When all my goals and wishes have run out

and all that matters are yours and only yours...


I want you to feel good about yourself

Each time you fall, each time you feel any regret
...


Goodness, so help me...

Fathers' Day is kind of a difficult "holiday" for me. In a lot of ways, my dad was a good dad. We were always fed and clothed, had a roof over our heads, and have plenty of good things to remember. This might sound horrible but sometimes I try really hard NOT to think about the ways he was a good dad, because it sort of makes me blame myself for the ways he was not. I think, "he has so many good qualities, it must have been something about me." In my mind, I know it wasn't my fault, but in my heart, it's a bit more difficult to "get it."

So this Fathers' Day I have decided to try to think about only the good things and not the bad, as far is my dad is concerned. And to pretty much just try to make the day about my children's dad and other dads I happen to know who are great, even though they might not be my dad.

Dad,
       I know it's sort of a cliche, saying "words can not express how much I love you." but that is quite true. Although I rather think words COULD describe; the only problem is finding the words to do this justice. And you, of all people, know that I am not good with words. So I'll try this instead:
       You taught me how to ride a bike, you taught me how to use that pair of Heelys shoes so that I could ride for forever without stopping to get a running start. You [tried] to teach me how to ice-skate backwards, I do not have the best memory- but knowing me, that didn't end well. You taught me to love music, you showed me how music can communicate any emotion without a single word.
       There are something, however, that I do not remember you ever teaching me. I do not recall you ever sitting me down and talking to me about the person I should grow up to be. You never showed me a text book or took me to class to teach me how to be kind, or loving. But sometimes the best teachers, teach without ever meaning to. You taught me to be kind to everyone around me. You taught me how to talk to people in a way that shows confidence. You taught me how to stand up for myself, and what I believe in. You taught me that sometimes perseverance is key. You taught me how to love people past their faults. You taught me courage. It is true, these are all things that you did not sit me down to teach me, you simply taught me by being you. By example. You have always been the greatest example to me. That's the thing about kids, right? We're always watching and absorbing everything we see. I was so lucky to take in all that I did. I wouldn't be the person that I am today without your examples. For me, I know I will always use theses qualities. You helped set me up for a great life, and I intend on using every bit of knowledge and wisdom that you have given me throughout my 16, almost 17 years. I am so grateful for everything that you have done for me. You gave all three of your daughters the tools we need to live a successful and happy life. It just may take a little longer for some to realize this.. But I know you, you never lose faith in us. And that's more than I could ever ask for. I love you.
-Megs

Hey dad
Do you remember me?
As a baby?
Do you remember me,
Remembering you?
As newborns typically don't do.
Smile laugh and reach for you.

I imagine the same reaction if
I were to see your face
This Father's Day.

The loss of my father is infinitely painful.
Never again will I receive his love directly.
My father's love was unique.
My father loved me unconditionally.
He made everything okay, promising he'd be there.
Always.
It was how he loved unconditionally;
That's why I miss him so.
His attentive ear, watchful eyes, loving embrace.
His words: patient, yet firm, loving, yet chastising.
My worries lessened when he was present.
Always.
Every moment I breathe,
That's when I miss him.
When I'm smiling, laughing: in joy.
When I'm lonely, crying: in sadness.
In every emotion, in every life experience, I miss him.
Always.
How can I live without his loving presence?
For the rest of my time on Earth?
But he guides me, walks with me each day.
He holds me close, reminding me he hasn't truly left,
Because that's the nature of my father's love: he's with me.
Always.