Why did you eat that?
Don't you know
You're already fat?

Everyone is staring,
At the way your skin
Is swelled and sagging.

No one wants you,
With all that extra cargo
You look 200 pounds.

Put the food down
And go for a run --
You look disgusting.

Why did you eat that?
Don't you know
You're already fat?

I complained I'm hungry,
I'm hungry,
Stomach involunteerly crying out,
I said I'm hungry,
He said, how
He looked me up and down,
It's impossible,
The way you eat pre dinner,
Then dinner,
Then snack, then after snack,
You're not hungry,
The tears didn't have a chance to fall,
I was out of the house,
Lost in this hell we call life.

Ana is in my brain again
and I'm sorry
to say I'm giving in.
Mia is whispering to me
so sweetly;
Fueling my dreams
to just be skinny.
And today I don't feel strong enough
to decide that I am enough.
Because I feel like too much.
     There's too much of me,
     And I am not enough,
      because I'm not skinny.
Mia is in my head again
allowing me to guiltily binge;
Reminding me
I can purge just as easily.
Urging me, "better hurry."
Run the water
hide the sound....
I feel pretty lost,
And this is what I've found
to cope
with the constant nagging
inside of me.
Ana is in my thoughts today
Reminding me how much I've gained.
And all I've lost- previously.
Encouraging me,
Dissapointedly,
To get down to 115.
I know that I am losing my mind
But maybe along with that,
I'll lose a few pounds.

Food.
How can I repay you?

You give but never take
And yes, I mean all that excessive weight.

when it comes to you, I am always weak
I hear you calling "You deserve a treat!"
Then I remember you can't even speak

You got me going insane
as I hear you calling out my name

Food.

because of you, weight I will gain
and yes, I will never hide with disdain

and I know you have been my therapist for very long
but it is time for me to move along

Don't worry, this isn't the end
you will always be my closest friend

But there's certain advice I need to take
habits I need to break

Food.

Your magnificence is complex, made of the worst, and made of the best
I've only got to know one part of you,
and It's time for me to explore the rest...

What is the matter
Of being
Fat
Black
Gay
Nerd
Different
Or what else?

All you can see here,
Are just Black and White
But you can still see
the beauty
inside
of these group of clauses

And I still can see,
I will always can see
your inner beauty

From those words you wrote

He must really love her body
how could he not?
unlike mine's , hers is wonderland
Those thigh gap of hers
is more than my Finger's gaps
This chubby cheeks of mine
fails badly infront of her ***
this little height,fat filled inside
I'm not even good for a sight

To everyone's"how are you?" question
I reply " I am fat,alright?"
I know there's nothing wrong with me
thats just a fat inside
This fat loves my body so much
so how can I hide?
it might feel bad
so I console myself,its alright
I mean,
I can live without thigh gap & height
those stomach in and *** out is compromised
I am better person inside
hahaha I am kidding
I must be really high
seriously,
I need that slim body outside.

I can see you
Sneaking into the kitchen at midnight
Turning on the light as if
It is the only cure to your problems
Just to waft through
The shelves and shelves of self hatred

I can see you
Hiding behind a baggy t-shirt
That is supposed to be baggier than it actually is

I can see you
Not wanting to get too close to anyone
Because the way that their hands
Traipse over the
Mountains and lumps that are
Your body
Makes you feel all sorts of uncomfortable

I can see you
Because
I am you

I can see how we've lived our entire lives
In fear
Of ourselves

People tell you that "It's just food"
No.

It is a comforting hand when no one is there
It is a way to feel good and bad simultaneously
It is a way to survive

Only it would be a lot easier to survive
If you didn't hate yourself whilst doing it

Right?

I sneer at the obscenities attached to my hips,
        reflecting back at me from my mocking mirror.
Laugh! Laugh at me!
It’s okay.
My dark humor stalks me.
He grasps my waist—
I **** in, recoil and Shrink
from the vicinity of his gentle touch.
He tries to reassure me.

How could he see? How could he understand?
To him—to him, it’s only a lie,
something I only imagine.
“It’s all in your head”—
My head? It’s the lightest Part!
My waist staggers down to the lumps,
The clumped hips, travels quickly without fail
Changing form—sometimes, sometimes it isn’t there—
But I feel it, I feel it, I do. I feel myself
weighed Down, and when I weigh In,
my eyes do not cover up its answer.