unraveling so slow,
I feel that it's about to fall apart.
and here I lie wondering
if you feel it too.

conversations
shorter.
time with you
shorter.

my confidence
less.
my hope in you
less.

time without you
longer.
thinking about you
longer.

I lie awake
holding something that isn't you,
wondering if you miss me too.

if you missed me,
you'd tell me.
and do you?
not once.

I stacked you up so wonderfully.
Hand poised,
Fingers light.
Made a beautiful home to call my own. Yet it all so quickly fell apart. A
King and Aces lay dead at my feet, Slaughtered by my instability.
Murdered by the very hand who built a home and promised love.
Shuffle the deck,
Count the endless possibilities.
Ironic that hearts are my favorite suit, Yet I always pull spades.
Compose and begin again.
I keep building homes with cards,
Then become shocked when it all falls apart.

you were fundamentally
burnt out.
you were a ******* human,
not a machine.
i didn’t blame you.
as humans
we rot from the inside out.
the marrow of our bones,
blackens,
and our hearts freeze over.
i didn’t blame you.
you were breathing at a pace
more rapid than the ticking of the clock
on a sunday night.
in between dry-heaves you told me
“i’ll be okay, i’ll be okay,
i’ll, be okay.”
i wanted to believe you, but
i didn’t blame you.
i think the sound of your voice
on a tuesday afternoon
is conclusively what kept me going.