For the first time ever; I truly do not care
    if you, him, or her wished me a happy birthday;
But, I wouldn’t mind if you did. Though it is fair;
    I am one of the lesser friends; I am a boring play;

A play so fake; I am of made up characters,
    Sometimes I am the flattering villain in smiles,
And at times I am a copy of the Westerners,
    At others, I am gullible, yet I never am;

I pretend to be; but I am miles away,
    For interesting I am not; so funny at least be,
Says my brain; for maybe they will remember,
    That my birthday was today; It is an endless plea:

I always remember and prepare pages of wishes,
    For almost everyone, but all I get is 4 days late
One liners sent out of guilt; to stop the guilty itches,
    Not out of care, love, or from genuine friendly state;

I deserve it; for again; I am merely a boring play;
   A paradoxical headache of weird introverts,
And annoying extroverts; I barely even weigh,
    To a normal person; I am made of endless alerts;

Alerted, focused, attentive; all on your acceptance;
    I am what I feel you want me to be; a nice man,
A racist gangster, a diplomatic figure; I am resemblance,
    I resemble everything I see in you and scan;

I am stardust that was never meant to shine,
    I am a thread; intertwined as I feel pleases,
I am a road with temporary signs; I am grapes;
    For you I squeeze myself into juice; or ferment

Into wine; I am a fake play where you write scripts,
    I submit, because all I cared about is receiving,
A birthday wish. On that one day in the entire year;
     I do not want even want gifts; because when you don't,

I feel like I am ceasing to exist; slowly deceasing
    from everything that we were: teenagers ambitious,
WhatsApp stickers collectors, School runaways,
    Kids deceiving; it feels like I am dead; for the dead

Do not receive birthday wishes; I feel peerless;
    A white beans *** lidless, a body complete limbless,
A walking sickness, a moving flesh in stillness,
    unpardoned by my faux and obvious silliness.
  
I do not care about not getting birthday wishes;
         But I cannot not overthink what it means.

-Used and Discarded

In times of need, people always flock to me like vultures flock to fresh meat on the ground,

But once their desires have been fulfilled, they are not surprisingly nowhere to be found.

Sometimes the vessel doesn't match the soul
Behind a beautiful face a demon could hide
It's a good place to seek shelter
But a shifty sanctuary
There are always pitfalls
Triggers that could cause a house of cards to collapse
The mask will drop and shatter
What will be left is the true self
Behind that beauty may be a rotten corpse
An empty shell ... a hollowness
A bottomless pit that could never be filled
Sometimes the vessel doesn't match the soul
Sometimes the vessel doesn't match the soul
Sometimes the vessel doesn't match the soul

Two sickly birds,
In their nest of salt,
And it's not their fault.
What do they know?

You pretended you meant none of what you told me,
so I pretended that every word you ever said to me was a lie.

Every compliment.
Every "I love you."
Every promise.

Beneath the surface,
I know that you meant all of it
and more.

I just pretend it was all fake
because you told her
she was real.

I'm so sick of people
pretending they want to
stay in my life
when they really don't.

So if you don't want to
treat me well,
then you can just leave
—because I'd much rather have
a few true friends
than a bunch of fake ones.

it hurts
when you can feel an ocean inside
waves crashing into the boundaries of your mind
begging for release
to reach the shore
denying them, holding them back like a well-built dam
not a single drop gets through this facade

I’m an actor
in a role I never auditioned for
one I never wanted
one thrown upon me by the cruel hands of society
family
is this life better than none?
three months
I whisper to the face in the mirror
one I have never recognized
one that is not my own

i hope one day to look
and find myself looking back
a true reflection
real and not imagined
but for now I do my best
with whispers
the tears I cannot release
sweaters in the biggest size
corners to curl into
alone when I can imagine
how I’ll look when I’m me
not you

be friendly
personable
but always know your place
only speak when spoken to
perhaps if you behave you will find a nice husband
be a good wife

raising me in her image
it’s a facade
I’m fractured
a picture from long ago
broken and never properly repaired
the shards put back wrong

a smiling photo of a girl i don’t know
darling daughter
know your place
smile but not too long