You have chosen me again and again, Father.
When things feel empty and I am in a state of nothingness,
my options are either to isolate or escape from the real world.
It's unproductive, but it keeps me safe from the world.
Safe, but it's unproductive.
Safe, but it's running away from the things that truly matter.
Safe, but I locked my door to the only one who understands me the most.
He who sees me.
He who knows my pains and carries them as His own.
He who embraced me despite my rebellion.
He who accepted me for who I am.
Incomplete and flawed.
He who completes me.
As I write this at 2 in the morning,
5 hours of sleep, barely stretched,
I write in deep admiration, gratitude, and love
for the Father who stayed by my side.
My Father,
He whom I feared to face because of my flaws and sins.
He whom I believed was disappointed in everything in me because I couldn't fulfill my role as His child.
But my Father isn't like that,
I was wrong.
Despite my fears and my self-criticism,
He continued to be by my side.
He stood by my storms and my empty calms,
sending messages of love and acceptance—that I will always be
His child.
Sure, I can isolate myself from the rest of the world and hide somewhere where the light doesn't know,
but God can always find me.
It was I who pushed Him away.
It was I who was too ashamed to face God.
But in His eyes, despite being broken and tattered,
I was still as lovable.
I was incomplete and unheard,
but God knows it all.
No running away can flush away my mistakes and regrets.
God knows it all.
God knows everything,
so why run away?
But God already forgave me,
it was I who wasn't able to realize that.
I chose to lock my heart and "deal" with all of this by myself,
I was wrong, extremely wrong.
I was a rebel.
I am unworthy of Him,
but He loves me still.
I was wrong.
I was wrong.
I was wrong.
"I was wrong," I say again and again.
So this time and 'til the end of time,
I will do things right.
I will always choose You.
the resolution to "Nothing" :]
