There, a distant rumble, a wistful tickle of memory,
of lauded youth, expectant and callow, and now,
hubristic dreams long swamped, regretted, he sits alone,
the past unspoken, the opaque night thicker, heavier,
the clock nearly sated, and the sepia promise of a certain
time tattered, irretrievable, he nods and brightens
at lessons well learned.

A thud sound
Of me falling?
From the sky height
Into the deep sea.
This internal unfamiliar silence  of the waters below,
Is eating me up.
Can you hear me?
I scream with my throat dry,
I dream with my hopes high,
The shallow waters Don’t echo my voice,
So I'm letting go a deeper dive.
This external familiar voice of everything above the sea –
my success or failure?
Makes me bury myself into the truth more deep
Makes me worried of the soul which never came to me
So, I shut my eyes
See a bright yellow light
Run toward it to seize a whole new sight
Calmness of  the internals
Don't excite my bored old soul.
But I still am worried about my past above the sea.
A swish sound
Of me rising.
Back from the deep sea into the high sky
Never thought I will give up of being shy
With a motive to live,
With wings to fly,
With a hope to dream,
Which my failure had taught me.

Now I extract with tweezers from my flesh
the silver splinters of our common past,
unoxidized sharp memories still fresh,
which left would fester like a question asked
but never answered. Isn't it absurd
how we wound each other with joyous shards
of love's black shrapnel: how passion burns,
yet in remembering turns to gangrene ash?

Expectations,
They take their toll
Some are hard to fulfil,
While the others are just stories untold.
Things that are just way beyond
Your wildest capabilities
Diving deep into it,
Can sometimes hurt your worth.
Sometimes we often judge ourselves,
With the number of expectations met
No matter how far you go,
You will always be in debt.
Life feels like a plethora of experience,
But a dearth of emotions.

Maybe I am too young
To be feeling this old,
But the burden of expectations
Takes me down
And makes me feel cold.
This is what I'm feeling
Now and then
That in all of the universe
There is nobody for me,
While everything is changing
and there's nothing I can do.

My world is turning pages
And I am just sitting here,
wondering
How do people live without fear?
The fear of failure
Is it the lack of expectations?
From themselves or others
Is that the answer
To a simpler and happier life?
Maybe I should just drop it all,
And follow my heart
Cross some lines
and just feel alive.

Sun rays hit an empty throne
A throne as empty as the heart of those who sat there
Mountains of pain created by those who tried to atone
A Kingdom in the middle of nowhere

Dust and sand whip through the pillars
Erasing the memories of those before
Buildings that have long been targeted by looters
He tried to help so he would be known as the savior

But now he sits upon a tower
Wondering how he failed
Looking upon the bones of those who trusted him
Every time he breathes, the stench of death is inhaled

If only he could end this torture
But this is his eternal sin to carry
He hid while they were slaughtered
Forced to watch the butchery

Now he sits in his tower
Surrounded by sand and bone
Forever known as the King of nowhere
The now Faded King sitting upon his throne

A drowning person is not troubled by the falling rain
Embracing pain I've ignored far too long
Chasing dragons, suspended in denial.

I am delusional with love.
Bruised, eluding these illusions.
Cling to what feels safe.
Cold, calculated; Jaded smile.
I'm hiding behind it all my nasty habits and the tragedies of my past.
A mystery, or just a loser encased in egotistical gluttony?
Can you find me?

Waking up with the power to acquire the success I ran behind,
My head starts to spin as soon as I hit my bed empty-handed.

I ate my feeling away,
Digested the food but not the emotions.
Punched my stomach, just to stop my hunger.

My state of mind died,
while I counted the calories I consumed.

I lost nine kgs but I'm still sad.
Maybe my body wasn't the problem all along.
Maybe it was me, not accepting myself,
Whilst accepting people who really didn't care.

But I'm ready to break my boundaries.
I'm ready to grow and not just belong.

My heart is ablaze
with the flame of triumph
My soul alight
where the power of success
abide keeping failure aside

In a world where traits such as bigotry, greed, narcissism, non-empathy and some level of superiority (in ones own mind) are the key attributes to ensure success and some sense of purpose and fulfilment... I am less distressed than I should be to have failed at life.
I have come to appreciate simplicity and things that are genuine and wonder what reality looks like to the successful. Do they value a warm embrace and a soft kiss and the company of someone who likes them for who they are in the same way I do? And when (if) they feel and experience these things in a genuine way does their success still feel good when they reflect on what made them? Do they even reflect upon such things... or would they be less successful in their own minds if they saw themselves for who they are?
Can you be happy if your aspirations are something other than to love and be loved in return? Without these all is deception and you are both the deceived and the deceiver.