The more you look around
The more you realize
Every day people are doing
Everyday things,
Things they don’t really want to do,
But must, to get ahead, to stay afloat,
To not get knocked down.
But the more you look around,
You see the hurt, you see the failure,
You see it imminent within you, too.
You resist and you pull away, and you
Tell yourself that you are different,
You will lead a different life and have success.
But the more you look around,
The bleaker it gets.
Sometimes life is better with the blinders on.

I keep failing
As a friend
I keep failing
As a friend
Like a crushed butterfly
Hysterical and useless
Like spilled perfume
Hysterical and useless
Like a wrecked car
Hysterical and useless
Like chattering teeth
Hysterical and useless
Like acid rain
Hysterical and useless
I keep failing
As a friend
I keep failing
As a friend

I've loved you across space and time
years spent, investing in a friendship
only to go broke

I've given you space and time
imagining an apology, an explanation
radio silence

I've watched you across space and over time
You made new friends and joined with old ones
Just not me

You can be oblivious but time and space
Could never completely erase
How much I
know you.
Because I know you.

And you can't take back the time we spent
and you can't create more space
And you can't lie anymore
Unless you lie to my face.
Because I am done reaching out
to see if you're alive.
Because it's clear now.
You're no friend of mine.

Her soul is so drunk on dreams
but, what you see her,
a soulless sober
is just an illusion projected from
her fear of rejections and failures.

Just wait till this magical girl
blows off all her fears.
Once she drops the veil
her drunken soul will run wild
chasing her beautiful dreams.

I hereby confess my sins, and must tell you why
Why this man that writes these words and holds the pen must die
Why evil so ferociously invades my mind
And will not cease no matter how hard I try
These words that I beseech unto you are truth and hold no lie

I received word from THE LORD above that I must preach
To take my knowledge of the spirit
To the streets to teach
To spread the gospel far and wide as far as I can reach

But, After 2 or 3 weeks of compliance
While doing His will and honoring our alliance
I was met with a streak of complete defiance

I went out and preached in stores one day
I was satisfied with the work id done and thought it was ok
But upon return back to my home the LORD said sternly, nay
That it wasnt enough and that I needed to preach more today
That I needed to jump back into the fight and jump back into the fray
But in my foolishness I decided that on my bed I should lay
Now ever since, that decision, I have had to pay

Right at that very moment, evil attacked and I became a target
After all this time has passed I am filled with utter regret
Its something I am ashamed of
And desperately wish I could forget

But during those times of preaching
I was always met with fear
Evil had encompassed me. And I was told that if I stopped my death was near
To this day "preach, or die" makes me want to shed a tear
The devil knows of my failures and meets me with an evil snear

Its been 8 months now since I stopped
8 months of mental torture since I flopped
8 months of fearing death since THE LORDS will I had dropped


Now the death that had been spoken of before
Grows and grows to the point that I cannot ignore
The suffering of my soul continues more and more
I don't know if I can take it. So is death truly in store?

I do believe in miracles, but I dont know if I will get one
Will THE LORD show more mercy, or is He finally done?
The grave is looming and life is no longer fun
So don't be a failure like me.
Put your faith and trust in THE SON
And whatever you do, don't turn your back and run!
I should have followed Him. I would have won.

Now I await my death. My life is done.

Fear, anxieties, and
failures circle above my head

they are vultures scouring for
the once dead flesh I was

But now I am alive,
now I am
free

They fly through my mind like before
but they are unable to make nests
now

3/20/2020

One against the world.
Fighting your change.
Would anyone care if you made it?
Wouldn’t they rather you fail?
Oh, they’d feel better about themselves.

One against yourself.
Fighting His change.
Would you care to let go?
Who are you even working for?
Your progress has to be between you and God.

One against your past.
Fighting your change.
Would it make a difference,
If you turned the boat around?
Could you even find your way back?

One against emotions.
Fighting their change.
Doesn’t the anger feel good,
When it wrecks your life?
Don’t you think you should hate hate?

One against a soul.
Fighting the change.
They need you, you know.
You aren’t what you’re meant to be,
It’s about time you changed course.

You’re almost ready,
So I’ll give you more time,
But I can’t promise it’ll last forever…

my love, daily,
my daily bread,
falls on my
buttered-side
down daily

my love, daily
my daily dish,
pour over my
flimsy flats
for that I wish, daily

my love, daily,
my daily dial,
pick me mine
pricked up ears
the line is deaf, daily