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Grey Feb 27
The war between,her,me and she

Funny a tale I tell you

"Her" was me a minute ago

So malleable, gullible
Easy to stir

But "her" was happy
Holding unto a dark mural

"Me" is I now

Lessons from "her"shaped me

To let go of steam
From others action

That some ain't -
Worth fighting for

"She" is my future
The all control
I want to be

Some war ain't-
worth fighting for

I'm letting go of "her",
"Me" in progress
So that "she" can live
ivan Feb 24
my whole life
all i ever did was fight

to defend them, i thought
to protect them

but the tears only fell on my cheeks
on my face
on my heart

mentally,
physically,
im not okay

my whole life
all i ever did was fight
im seriously not okay.
what is this ****?
dont tell me I have to stuff my mouth in medication
Saman Badam Feb 16
It's winter time and I am frozen still,
Like meat in fridge, my body heeds me not,
With will like crushed and salted ice, oft lull,
And face like cracked berg with drying snot.

But, I've to drag myself to work and earn,
To keep the meat in fridge and heater on.
And only want to curl in cold like fern,
While envy each and every snail at dawn.

It's summer time and I am leaking sweat,
And smell like egg gone bad left out too long.
While craving indoor cooler, filled and set,
A drink in hand and toasting bygone songs.

But I've to drag myself to trim the lawn,
In summer sun that cures and dries like speck,
To show the worn and hidden cobble-stone.
And forget scarf and hat, so burn my neck.

It's autumn and I am sneezing again,
And strong enough to dust our attic clean,
Enjoy a cup of apple cider glen,
And sleep on couch while facing down in jeans.

But, I've to drag myself to rake the leaves,
With no respect for me to fall at once,
And slowly one by one a dance it weaves,
While wriggling branches at me like I'm a dunce.

It's springtime, I am splattered full of mud,
While inside stuck because of vernal rains,
And want to walk the outside blooming world,
While smelling daises near the creeping vines.

But, I've to drag myself to clean the porch,
As all the boots from outside track in sludge,
Against the many insects, stand the watch,
And soak and rub the stains as they won't budge.

And want to roll and make the angels snow,
And want to **** the mango flesh from seed.
And climb the golden tress so girls could wow!
And run through ankle deep of grass and ****.

But I've to drag myself to shovel yard,
But I've to drag myself to clean the pool,
But I've to drag myself to paint the wood,
But I've to drag myself to oil my tools.

Another year has come and gone again,
While want to do so much in little breath,
And want to change my ways to freedom gain,
To hide my craggy, jagged edge in sheath.
Tye Feb 1
Hooks in my back
Are shredding my flesh.
Stretching me in every direction.
Pulling my spirit through the holes.

Each time I try to fight,
I win back an inch,
Just to get yanked back—
With more pain than before.
Jon Jan 29
a rush of adrenaline,
it's still without use.
i can't reach for medicine,
i can't help but lose.
Don't really know how to use this site but this is about my (possible) chronic exhaustion and pain and not being able to treat it really
Ember Jan 9
i feel like the weight of my world
is on my shoulders,
a self-inflicted
Atlas curse.

my actions
are coming back
to knock me down
and crush my resolve.

i'm so close.

so close to getting everything fixed.

and i push the boulder
up the hill as Sisyphus did.

but every time i near the zenith,
i make one small misstep,
and everything slips from my hands,
rolling me flat again.

mere assignments
feel like labours of Hercules,
impossible trials,
with the intent of divine punishment.

if i slay the Hydra,
will i pass english class?
Exhaustion
weighs heavy
on me
all I want to do
is sleep,
yet I can't seem to
turn my mind off
(even more than usual)
haunted
by thoughts
pain
lethargy
and total mind-block.
I feel like I'm
dying
and interactive daydreaming
has never been
so easy
(I am not my paras)
I'm scared
that the blanket
of delirious
melancholy
and
moribundity
will
never
leave
What's wrong with me now?
Em MacKenzie Dec 2024
I can’t accept that my heart must turn to stone
just so that I don’t have to fade to dust and bone.
What good is life if you must go it alone?
Everyone should hear a voice versus a dial tone.

I don’t want to put a price on my head or on my soul,
and I don’t want to pay the price when I’ve already paid the toll.
Maybe I should take a lesson or two from a certain mole,
and find myself a nice warm and cozy hole.

Instead I resign and lay down on cold concrete
hoping it might absorb some of the sun’s heat,
like during days in the summer when it burns your feet,
they say you could hear an egg sizzle and it could cook your meat.

You may think I resemble a crumpled up bill,
discarded and thrown away at someone else’s will,
or maybe just another ant upon the hill
that’s awaiting to be squashed, just awaiting the ****.

Still I’m risking it all for just one more day,
even though the colours drain and then they fade to grey.
What you give you should not take away.
the rules keep on changing but not the way we play.

“Do you know what you’re doing, Em?”
I’m shaking my head and cheeks turn red.
Holding back tears but coughing up phlegm,
just consider me one of the walking dead.

And in all of that; myself I will find
and I’ll find myself becoming blind.
With clenched fists and teeth that grind,
living in the constraints of a mortal mind.
Another day, another squaller
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