I heard you're talking to my name twin.

I saw it in your eyes

You think it's a win

I wish it was all lies

Hurt will cover me like a second skin

Maybe I won"t try

To make my name twin

Turn into me

I feel so much pain inside
knowing that you are married
I literally couldn't see
how horrible you were to me
because you would mask it
with fake kindness
and because as a women
I was more trained to see that coming
from a man than from someone who was a close friend to me
you met me at such a vulnerable hard period of my life
I had just moved to a foreign country
I met you at a shabbat meal
we bonded over food
at first when we met
I was so attracted to you
I thought you were so beautiful to me
because in those moments you were .
We would go out drinking and partying
and although you were the religious one
you would party harder than me
I remember how so many times you would
leave me for dead
when we were around strange men
in the bars
and I would beg you to stay
to not leave me
I was so drunk I could barely move
and you didn't care
you only cared about having fun
and not about me
so because of you I experineced
so much violence.
I remember how I cried in those stairwells
begging him to stop
how I felt robotic
how you left me all the time
while promising to come back
how you would treat me like dirt
leave me on red
and make up some excuses for why
you are a shtty human ...
now honestly ,
You never once said I am sorry
until I begged it out of you,
you would talk to my roommates
who bullied me viciously,
became their friends
and even rented that apartment
in that house after I moved out
I saw that you got married
and although I would like to feel happy for you
all I feel for you is so much hate anger
and so much immense pain
I don't know why it took me so long
to see how much of a horrible person you are
a wolf in sheep's clothing
and soon you will move back here
and if I ever do see you again
I would love to spit in your face
and say Fk You!
No more to letting people walk all over me
and do as they please
I don't wanna care about being liked anymore
I'd rather be myself be safe and be around those
who actually see for who I am
instead of using me
for their own jealous gain.
Many times the ones who are the worst
are the ones closest to you
that you can't even see
now I am learning to trust the subtle red flags that I feel
when I meet someone so I don't meet a person like you again.

two's a company
three's a crowd
but what if that crowd
was the most peace you've had?

three's a crowd
then two
then there was one

and years later you sit with nothing but the regret of growing up and growing without
nothing but the memories of love and closeness that you fear you'll never have in friends again

two's a company
three's a crowd
i'd rather drown in the masses
than drown in my solitude

Remember the times you caught me crying?
used to make up excuses when you won't stop prying.
I had no courage to tell you;
how many times I've doubted you.
Cause you meant more to me;
than any of my insecurities.
I was miserable, wasn't I?
used to vent out my feelings, didn't lie.
I loved him beyond limits, you knew;
the girls were fully aware too.
Maybe our bond wasn't strong,
or else I could've forgiven you.
Maybe the world didn't know,
how much I really tried to.
You had your reasons,
he was sad and depressed,
and you chose to go address;
leaving me in distress.
You called me your best friend,
then why did you hide it?
I was right there, a meter away from your bed.
You called me your best friend,
then how could you **** him?
in the same places, you knew I loved him.
You called me your best friend,
then how could you not know?
how deep a scar, your actions will carve.
Our bond was like a holy thread,
anything it could sustain,
cutting it once and tying a knot,
won't make it pure again.
Sister or sinister,
I am not sure anymore.
Friend or fiend,
perhaps you were both.
I wish I could lend a hand,
but it's harder for me to stand.
Roots that run so deep;
I had to fall to my knees.
You have many best friends,
so what if you lose one friend?
You made a choice and walked that path,
no good will come from seeking the past.
Look ahead, with no regret;
for I consider you, my kindest crook.

I finally got over you, and you came back.. why? Why all of a sudden you come back when I’m finally over you?! I was happy you came back, but I realized things are different now. I don’t need you anymore, you hurt me. I can’t go back to feeling that pain again.

sometimes when I miss you,
I put our song on play

as I build up the courage to open the drawer,
a drawer full of memories...
our memories.


f.t

Her sparkling smile hides her crooked mind
Although she was mad, she was not malice
Gaslighting and wicked games were of her kind
Last supper was fun, still have the chalice
Pandora, pandora, don’t open that box
Twisted thoughts tore and fused into my skin
A nightmare reality, or just a faux?
A virus that stays with me, just like kin
Words echoes I love to k!ll, I do not stop
Remorse is not usually in my blood
This is not a tale, she needs to be locked
A body in her hands turn grey, like mud
We are all wired to get a little mad
But, she is the most crazy girl I’ve met