In. Out.

Choke back tears.

Choke.



“How was your day?”

“Good. How was yours?”

“Good.”



“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

(don’t know how)

(so much happens in a day)

(not important)

(i’ll get over it)

“I dunno.”



I know grades don’t really matter.

Nineties are like drugs,

once you start you can’t stop,

withdrawal hits you like a truck.



“What did you get?”

“Ninety seven.”

“Oh, that’s not that bad.”

“But what if it takes down my average?”

(I shouldn’t eavesdrop.)

(need to finish this problem)

(four months late)

(one ******* question)

(what the hell is wrong with me)

(ask for help?)

(too late)

(oh god)

(please don’t let the bell ring)




In two three four

Hold two three four five six seven

Out two three four five six seven eight



(don’t cry)

(too late)

(please stop looking)

(what’s wrong with me)

(i want to disappear)

(i’m sorry)

(friends?)

(...friends?)


“Did you write any more?”

“...no.”

“Oh. I guess it’s a busy time of year.”

“...yeah.”

“Well….have a nice evening.”

“Yeah, you too…”

(trash)

(trash)

(what was i thinking)

(so cocky)

(don’t want to open that doc ever again)

(too sensitive)

(never go anywhere)

(not cut out for this)



“How did your exam go?”

“...better than I was expecting.”

“Good!”

“Yeah. Thanks mum. Love you.”




(no music?)

(can’t believe)

(can’t vote)

(strike?)

(strike!)

(strike?)

(possible?)

(can i?)

(would it work?)

(no.)

(can’t)

(too weak.)

(try?)

(Try?)

(TRY?)

(as if life couldn’t be more complicated-)




“We have to get Ethel out more. We can’t stop walking her because Gunther can’t-”

(Gunther)

(Gunther)

(good boy.)

(stay.)

(stay by me.)

(just for a bit longer.)

(please)

(not him, please god, not him)

(god?)

(let me keep my boy)

(Stay.)

(Stay.)

(Stay.)



“We still on?”

(I dunno, are we?)

“Maybe after exams.”

“Sometimes people drift and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

(shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP)

“I can cover you for the movie.”

“Thanks! I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

“I’m just happy that means you can come.”

(alone)

(hello?)

(do you still care?)

(i do.)

(i miss you.)

(do you miss me?)



(don’t break)

(don’t want to go back)

(brave face)

“Crying is okay.”

(?)

“It doesn’t seem like you’re handling it-”

(???)

“Do you need to go and see-”


(?!?!?!?!?!)




In. Out.

Choke back tears.

Choke.

Time Time tell me please
Why am I still sitting on my knees
You pass as fast as bees
That is why I wish you freeze

I used to hear : "Time is gold"
And we must use it before getting bold
But sometimes I get so bored
And waste you before getting old

While young and youth must be the prize
I spend them eating some pies
I wish I could buy you but there is no price
For such a thing that never dies

Dear time dear time
You are my prime
I even wasted my time
Writing you this poem rhymes
So could you give me back what is mine
Or it's too late to cry and whine

Suddenly my hand watch started to scream
And talking as fast as a steam
Stop blaming time and seek your dream
Work hard because you can't redeem

Dear hand watch dear hand watch
I swear I will never let you down
But if only you promised to wake me up before dawn

Because big dreams need much time
And working hard is the prime

Scattered books and pens
A noose hanging from the roof
The ink running dry

the coffee's too bitter
and i'm losing my tether
to the world of dreams
grounding me to reality.
i think i want to sleep but
the coffee's too bitter,
and my mind takes a thought
and runs with it.

i'm feeling it, feeling hopeless
bloom in my chest again.
i think that i don't care for once.
****, sadness won't
let me rest again.
i'll just fail for once.
let me fail for once.

i'm tired but the coffee tastes bitter
on my tongue.
i should be studying but
i'm getting so hung
over my spinning mind.
it feels nice to unwind
when you're so high strung.

i'm falling into this black hole,
and i fear that i don't really mind.
so where's the point,
where's the light dawning down on me?
where's my epiphany?

bitter coffee makes me bitter,
makes me sadder,
makes me think harder
about where i'm supposed to be.

now it's 1 am and i can't sleep.
the ice has melted in the cup.
i'm self-admittedly in love with
the idea of not giving a ****.

School is finally over,
it has felt like an eternity.
So many exams,
and so much stress.
Finally, summer is here.

gather round, as it is the season of stress:
as it nears may and june and
corners the wisps of summer that sting the air.
the scent of freedom and flights,
so close yet never close enough.

gather round, and watch as the silken spring leaves
(or, the strands of your hair)
turn inch by inch into summer screams of green
(or, the jealously burning inside you--
when you see someone smarter
see their right answer
see their paper; green and ticked and better.)

gather round, for it is almost over.

and you have worked hard- you have
(or, you have tried to)
and often that is enough.

the season of stress will fade soon,
but summer?
summer will always come.
summer sings in sun-kissed skin and lazy leaves
and blithe birds and timely trees;

gather round, to hear summer's sound.