Everything *****
So here I am
Trying not to cry
In the middle of a class
Over just one stupid person
One stupid, stupid person
Barely worth crying over

They say there's no use crying
Over spilled milk
And they are an oil spill
Staining everything
The sheets, the skies
Staining my painful heart

I just want to move on
To stop being stuck
On some teenage crush

Awake into the changes
Limitations and errors with
Notification ranges of
Frustrations where
Humility above will
Not here, ruin or ****
A coffee and two sleeping
Up due to the pain and
A feline creeping but
In making changes I
Unable to load them, feeling
A thoughtful reaction in “why”
While winter is on the ceiling
Just a photo and another but
A profile editing error and
I am leaving it the
Another day for this and that
Venturing inside out
Within a hat

You meant a lot to me until I realised your body runs cold.
You meant a lot to me until I recognised the ways you are bold.

You meant a lot to me until I heard the number of times your voice cracks throughout the day.
You meant a lot to me until you spoke of things you were initially afraid to say.

You meant a lot to me until
I saw some of your chosen paths
You meant a lot to me until
I saw the way you laughed.

You meant a lot to me until
You told me the secrets you forgot to keep inside.
You meant a lot to me until
I stood by you while you cried.

You meant a lot to me until
I heard the mistakes you made in the past.
You meant a lot to me until
I discovered how different you were from the last.

You meant a lot to me until all your flaws were laid out to see, but after all this time I've realised you don't mean a lot,
You mean everything to me.







© Words of a withering soul

I'm sad and hate who I've become
Everything is caving in
Because I'm all out of options
I don't know how to win

And if I'd face the awful facts
For one day in my life
I'd see that the only way out
Would be to end everything with a knife

After everything
That we've been through

So here we are
You and I

In the same room
On the same bed

Skin to skin
Cuddling each other

It is good an exercise to write about what
Did happen to you during the course of
One day; so let me begin with something
Like this; I don’t like to cut my hair; no
Not like that; I don’t like my hair being cut
By someone; can’t really say why; I just
Don’t; there is no pain about it or a
Tragedy in it, you know; I don’t impersonate
Them and imagine the after-battle field
Strewn with thin prolonged bodies; agony
And fear of despair in their postures; no
Nothing like that; nor do I fell any remorse
About being almost bald; I don’t really
Much care about my outer look; I just
Want not to look as a complete freak;
To look just fine, that is all what I ask for;
And I hold no grudge against my
Hairdresser; I changed three of them
So far; not because they were bad;
No; they are Professionals; it’s just
Happened like that; circumstances;
I don’t look at myself in the mirror
During this process; never analyzed it;
Saw no point; that is something inner
Prolly; Freudian stuff; this ******* is
Everywhere, you know; can’t say one
Word in the circle of the shrinks without
Being labeled with some unrighteous
Deviation (“as if there are righteous” my
Bruh sez in the furthest angle with a cup
Of cigarette ash); so I don’t look at myself;
Nor at my feet or my fallen hairs strewn
All around and on my feet; I look at the
Wall and through it to the very core of the
Earth; and there I see flame; but flame is
White; and it is not right

How long did it take
To scrub the taste of you
Off of my mouth?
My gums were bleeding by the end
My bed was a mess
Sheets torn, this way and that
A futile attempt
To make them reek
Of anything other than you