I’m Failure!

She said that with a shining crystal tear in her eyes…

She broke my silence!

Shrinking in her bed, hiding her face, with a tear which killed my strength and toughness… I felt naked.. felt I have no power to make her safe!

Like a little child, eager to have that warm hug, that safe hug, that secure corner… and She broke my boundaries with world I don’t belong to….

Did she saw me how I see and feel her!

Did she felt how she had my back safe and my feelings secured!

Did she realized how stabilized our time and life together!

You didn’t fail me!

You didn’t hurt me!

You didn’t make me feel tired!

On the Opposite….

You did let me feel my humanity…my worthness…my existance…my signature…myself!

And after all that you are saying “I’m A Failure”

You can feel Sad..You can feel Pain…You can feel Disappointed …. You have the right to be Human!  And we will still experience Sad, Pain, Disappointment beside other things however we didn’t Quit… we didn’t Surrender… we still in the Arena that we created and will create and that we will keep creating together and with each other.

Be who you are and don’t be a shame of showing your uniqueness… your worthiness…showing how treasure you are for me…

With love..with admiration..with humble I tell you…you are Enough!

I suppose it's okay if every once in a while
you remember the good in the times far away
how once you laughed when she laughed
her silly laugh
and when you used to feel nervous
at the sound of her voice.
her voice might call butterflies into your heart
a honeycomb maze dripping thoughts like
molasses drops.
maybe that's okay.
and if you ever wonder what it would be like now
to kiss her forehead
before bed
and be her little spoon
in the mornings after happy dreams
I supposed I can't blame you for the fantasies I don't know.
I've seen them too. Your hips between the space in her legs,
her hair polite under your chin,
fearing parenthood together.
I think to live your life with someone else
means to accepts that we'll never be one another's
and we won't be as close as the dreams we have of others,
like of myself and the forest and the rocks and the birds outside my window
and the *** I'd have outside in the invisible nowhere
and the wildflowers caressing and scratching my fat legs;
of the women I'd hold.
So I suppose I can't blame you for sometimes wishing for someone else
when the possibilities for our lives are so huge
and we only choose one another.

As the seconds turn to minutes,
The minutes into hours.
I move along the fibers of time,
Hoping I'll make it through the day.

As the days pass by,
It's getting harder to
Convince me
That I'm okay.

I tell myself:
It's only temporary.

But this sinking feeling
Comes in like a tidal wave,
Crashing over me.

Some days I feel
I can conquer the world,
Other days I feel
I'm not good enough.

Sometimes I feel I'm not fit for this life.

Everybody makes mistakes
but all I do is ***** it up.

Just when I think I'm okay,
There's a constant reminder
I'm living under a guise.

I'm not happy.
And I'm not okay.

I crash under the stress
And crawl back in my mental cave.

I feel like I'll never be good enough.

I feel like I'll never succeed.

I hope one day I can break free,
Of this mental torture consuming me.

Why am I not good enough.
I wake up.
I look into the mirror trying to remember what I look like before.
I walk into my closet.
No clothes good enough.
I find some people might like.
Tight clothes, uncomfortable too.
But the fact is that everyone will like them.
I put on makeup trying to recognize the girl I saw when I woke.
I can’t.
The girl in the mirror, stealing my reflection.
You walk into school with girls you don’t even like
But they are popular
That’s all you wanted.
You can’t though
Because you work hard at school
And you stop working hard to walk in with those girls
Why am I not good enough
You look at those popular girls wishing you were them
Why am I not good enough
That night you take off your makeup
Why am I so ugly
Why am I not good enough
I am good enough
Wake up the next morning
Wear clothes you comfortable in
Wear no makeup
Be the person you are.
Work hard in class
Get straight As
You are good enough.

I searched for reasons through all these years
and now it proves me all so wrong.
All of that hurt, so many tears,
and what was it for? It's all gone.
I thought you better,
I thought you changed,
I walked the extra mile, all for a lie.
Just to be fooled one more time.
You use people to get what you need,
you use them just as it suits.
And then you drop them as if they were used toys
To find new objects for your joys.
I thought you better,
I thought you changed,
and if the world would know me story
you would look very lame.
This is no goodbye
This is no farewell
This is simply you don't deserve me anymore

i'm sorry that i'm not enough
i'm sorry you thought this was love
i'm sorry my walls are too tough
i'm sorry i threw down the glove
i'm sorry my edges are rough
i'm sorry when push came to shove
i'm sorry was never enough