I may not be that old,
Been sixteen for a little over a week,
But I know,
That time is painfully fleeting.
Those routines I adore,
Grind life away to a paste,
Though I may deplore,
I don’t want all this time to be a waste.
Everywhere I turn,
Always pushing me to look to the future.
I see that I crash and burn,
Thoughts that make require sutures.
Forcing me to face the inevitable,
That my childhood will soon be gone,
I wish I could be a rebel,
Run away and come back at the dawn.
Time keeps ticking,
Time keeps slipping,
From me.
Keep growing older,
As time moves slower,
And everything I see,
Keeps fading.

Childhood memories,
Haunting me,
As houses are built,
On sacred land.
Two years left,
Till things start to leave my hands.
No amount of distraction,
Is ever enough,
It just delays the action,
And makes the truth more rough.
How it hurts,
To see my childhood drying up.
How it burns,
That expectations rise while I cry my eyes out,
Cause I don’t want to accept that time’s wasting,
I want things to stay the same,
And I hate that they are changing.
If I could stop time and keep everything as is,
You’d have to give me a good reason to take the next step.
For the fear of failure,
Outweighs all the good I see,
Too many possibilities.
People talk me up,
An excuse to disappoint,
Sometimes I don’t even know who I am,
Yet, they seem to have a point.
Days turn to weeks turn to months long gone,
Can never get them back,
And time doesn’t let you mourn,
We just keep on keeping on,
And hope you don’t get left behind.
All this fear holds me back,
Like the chains in my tower,
I want to break free,
But instead, I cower,
Tell myself I’m getting better,
While the results are nowhere to be found.
I stay looking envious at the ground,
While other people excel and move forward,
I’m stuck at the start,
Overcomplicating where to walk.
I’m up high in the sky,
Stuck in the middle of the beanstalk,
Too afraid to climb back down,
And too afraid to reach for the stars,
For what if I fall?
What if I fly?
Do I have the gall,
To even try…?

Growing older isn’t fun,
But it’s just a part of life,
Don’t know where I’m going,
I’ll find out in due time.

spongey bones
ten little toes
not a single cry is heard.
i did not sing when
brought into this world.

bright blue eyes
grandfather in a tie
silent doctors grim and telling lies.
"we have no reason to believe
that she is in any pain"

twisted tendons
agony, unending
reshaping, like im made of clay
sterile tubes and lights
was all I knew, for so many nights

a macabre expanse
of leather and metal in a cruel dance
the clicking like the knell at my guillotine
fear strangling with cold hands
while the sheets witness suppressed sobs

she is not yet one
but her torture is not close to done.

Obscurity is a quiet violence—  
not sudden, not sharp.  
It seeps.  
Tilts the world by degrees  
until struggle feels like balance.  
You stop reaching for air.  
You start pacing the silence,  
memorizing its corners,  
finding comfort in its ache.  
It does not shout;  
it hums—  
soft, constant,  
like a thought you can’t unlatch from.  
And in the famine of recognition,  
you stop needing to be seen.  
You fold yourself into the absence.  
You name the ache familiar.  
You name the silence sacred.  
You call it love.

do i have enemies?
yes, the passage of time
the wilting of flowers
the ending of a perfect day.

I was worried today so I went outside
So at the end I could say "at least I tried"
And I laughed and laughed in my bed
Because prozac can't quiet my head
Like serotonin can fix my brain
Like anything could keep me sane
Though when I see you smile
I sit there for a while
It's a good thought to get stuck on
Yeah, but then I want something more

I want you to want me
In more ways than you do
You wouldn't want to see
The things I want from you
Your soft sweet lips
And your soft blemished skin
Your boney thin hips
My fascination with the number ten
It all leads up to this
My brain will lobby
The truth in fits
Of selfish desire
This isn't normal
Not for me
How special this thing could be
My first true love
You could set me free
I promise I want this
And I'd never leave
Couldn't we try and at least see?
The first time I seen it was on TV
And that was love or so I believe
So what's so different about this?
I have to say it I can't stand it at all
I think I want your body.

ately I’ve been feeling so weary
All up in my feelings
Just thinking about my dreams, you feel me

I’ve been struggling with self doubt
Prayin to Jesus to the demons out
Forever stepping for his glory
This life is never boring
They look,they see, I’m soaring
Lately I’ve been hurtin
For something that seems so far away

Every time I get up, I fall back into the abyss
Is love really worth it, do I deserve a kiss
Loyalty over  money,
Ill shout that till the day I die
I know will all have to go, too bad I can’t pick a time

When I delve Into the deepest pits of my mind
I find that I dint want to die
The inevitable is a curse
It's scary I can't rehearse
All the answers that I'll know
Will only come to me when I'm down below
When I'm six feet under
Could I help but wonder
If I spent my life wrong
If I was a bad person
If life was a test
If I passed or failed
If I'm going to hell
Wouldn't that be swell?
I'm being sarcastic
Would that help me in a casket?
I'm guessing it will not
It was a stupid passing thought
Speaking of passing
Will it be amazing?
Having all the answers I'll ever know
When I'm burried down below

I trusted your name,
So You never killed me,
Never I did either.
What do you have to say ?

Yes,
I killed you.
And I made you suffer.

I was 15,
you were same,
I watched your eyes...
And mine in rain,

I am sorry if
You were in pain  ,
my brother ..
you felt that never,

Your eyes were numb,
Nothing that now ,
That makes me better.

I killed you,
my brother...

I was looking at you,
But you were not,

I am not sure if
I missed you a lot.

There was no blood ,
No body.

If you were in fear..
Waiting there,

All in the woods
Staring stairs,

Had I come down then .....
You would not starve then,
Would you have still waited , then?

What do I do now?

Where have you gone .

You killed me ,my brother,
As you made me suffer ,
From the pain you dealt me
I will never be better.

She moves fast like a city
full of names, things to do,
and places to be.
No matter how fast she moves,
there is always a spot for you.

Regardless of where you go,
not every woman, not every city,
is the same.

She highlights her personality,
the buildings of her priorities,
Her personalities,
like dominos
uncovered and placed strategically.

The way she was raised,
the not so pretty parts,
Behind the well known parts
of her,
not necessarily put away.
But still, there is a place for you.
Whether it's a quiet night in,
or an event organized
to get to know each other better,
the margins of her heart beat for you
Between the counties.

Although she moves fast,
and one day with her varies from the next,
she's not afraid to let you know that she's busy.
Once she handles all of her business,
be ready to catch up on all that missed time.

But don't forget
she doesn't just find the time
to call or text.
She shows up.
You too are a part of her world