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Nicole Apr 2021
It started with a thought -
a solitary lie.
Cunning in it's deceit,
no freedom, lest I die.

No normal pangs of hunger -
gorging beast within my face.
Heaving it up in sacrificial abjure,
a rejected fall from grace.

An act of complete surrender -
heavy pressure in my chest.
The beat continues beating;
Yet I fear it will arrest.

Mirrors turned to enemies;
A smile turned to grief.
A day without ingestion
becomes a dangerously sweet relief.

Abandoning dreams to disappear -
affliction taking hold.
Imperfection sought to fix, with
restricted weight controlled.

It started with a thought -
a solitary lie.
Cunning in it's deceit,
no freedom, lest I die.
Gabriel Apr 2021
She sings to you,
and you know she has returned
with food once more.
She’d **** herself
to throw it back up
into your mouth,
where it will ruminate
in your stomach
until you fly.

It tastes of love and bile,
and you lap it up;
there are things
in this nest
that you cannot name.
You try to
creak out the word
nourishment
but the crackle
in your throat
makes you sing instead.

She wants the best for you.

And off she goes,
her elegance beating
hard against the wind,
wings angelic,
archangel to you
as you watch the vultures
pry their slick bodies
from the shadows.

Take them in,
their greasy rapture
hovering,
and you’ve never understood
circles, but you know now
that you hate them.

It’s a relief when she returns,
exhausted,
stomach full.
There’s more *****,
and you would think,
if you could,
of what it must be like to die
alone.

Then, you fly.
You must.
You do.
From a collection of poetry I wrote for a creative writing portfolio in second year of university, titled 'Spiral'.
it's a lovely feeling,
i know.
i know.
i know.
but you can't stay here.
this isn't any way to live.
you can't have a full life feeling empty.
it's so hard,
i know.
i know.
i know.
eat anyway.
live anyway.
you've got to fall out of love with suicide
Aspen S Mar 2021
i have been swallowed by
my own reflection;
bones protrude through
pallid thin skin,
organs caving in
my stomach hoards a
swarm of bees,
buzzing through the
empty cavern that is
my translucent flesh.

i am a ravenous dog
teeth bearing,
devouring only water and air

i purge myself clean,
spill out empty calories
and irrational rumination,
skeleton hanging out of
a hollow casket,
appetite smaller than my waist.

i am freezing cold,
lanugo littering my body,
wanting to throw myself
in a fire,
to feel the warmth
that others feel.

i am a void -
this body is not my own.
on having an eating disorder.
Elaenor Aisling Mar 2021
TW: eating disorder*




I am walking underwater.
The food I will not let myself eat
falls into the garbage disposal with the thud of voided misuse
a rising steam of self-hatred
as my mouth hangs open
hungry,
waiting for endorphins that never come
and self-denial still does not
meet my confessional act of contrite penance
it still feels like a sin
to eat
or not to eat
and there is no pleasure in gluttony
or in fast.
Verbatim Lynnie Feb 2021
The shame gets to me, creeping
                               guilt is killing me slowly, ever so slowly.
                       Bigger, bigger                                   Purging the pain
                  Smaller, smaller,                                         I'm going insane.
              A ring is my net,                                       ******* a gun,
              Shoot me, I ask,                                                 Turning to dust.
                   Smaller to skinny,                             bones into nothing,
                                      I beg you to save me, for death is
                                       creeping slowly, ever so slowly,             
                                            ­            toward me.
A poem about bulimia
SL Feb 2021
Tia
You were my friend
My recovery buddy
For the thing that lead to your death
I am so lost for words
It can't be true. It just can't be
You were my closest friend when it came to it
I thought that you were doing OK
But you weren't
I know you were trying so hard to fight it
But it won in the end
Love you so much and I will miss you so much more
Bye Tia
I just lost one of my closest friends when it comes to having an eating disorder.
Rahman Jan 2021
Dead breath came from aching fingers dancing to break barriers in my throat.
Sweetly I choked comfortably on my sadist pleasure...
Each sting was warm and still too kind.
I’d do it again and I’ll gladly pay that fine.
Hair fell swiftly like leaves in autumn...
I was a fool to know this was my rock bottom.
And still I exhale punishment for my grievous crimes
For someone who will never be satisfied.
renee Dec 2020
it’s just a word
that’s what i tell myself
so the breath doesn’t leave my body when i see it
or hear it
but for some reason
those 8 letters shake me to my core
they make me lose all thought
all reason
all sense of normal
and i don’t know why
because it’s me
i don’t know why those eight letters
have that much power over me

maybe it’s because i’ve read it a million times in my textbooks
seeing the stats
and pictures with the stick thin girls
looking in the mirror
maybe it’s because i can’t admit to myself
i actually am those statistics
i cant process that i’m the word
because it’s only in textbooks
it’s only in the movies
that’s not who i am
that will never be me
maybe it’s because i don’t see myself as it
i don’t see myself as the girl in the textbook
or as a percentage in a chart
i don’t see myself as a definition
or something people study
something that people can’t understand  

or maybe it’s because i hate the word
because it only reminds me of complete and utter pain that used to be my life
maybe it remind me of everything i lost
or that were robbed from me i should say
my happiness, my passion, my life
my entire life was taken by those eight letters
so maybe that’s why i cant bear to even look at them

maybe it’s because that means i am it
maybe if i see the word too many times
or say it enough
it will become me
it will be who i am now
and what am i then
i’m not alive that’s for sure
what am i if that’s all i am
if that’s who i’ve become now
what do i have
if my whole existence is based upon those 8 letters

i wish i could tell you
i really do
because i want to to know too
i want to know why i flinch at the sight of the word
why i cant stand to hear it
let alone have it leave my mouth
i want to sit here and tell you
that i’m better
and those 8 letters are behind me
but to be honest i don’t think they ever will be
maybe that’s it
maybe that’s what i’m afraid of
never being able to forget it
or past it
just stuck with it
being haunted by it every second
because i see it everywhere
it follows me and teases me
everywhere i go
so maybe if i don’t say it
it will leave me alone forever

or maybe just maybe
the word makes it all a little too real

maybe when i say it
i feel the pain
and hurt
that i used to
i see the joy i was robbed of
for so long
i see who i was before
i see it all so clearly when i see that word
and maybe that
is just too real to handle
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