i always said i'd fight to the end for you,
that i would risk it all just to be at your side.
i'd help you achieve anything you wanted to do,
and that in me, you could always confide.
but every time something seems steady,
the ground starts to shake.
when the earth starts to split, i'm never ready
all i do is give, and all you do is take.
one minute you're attached to my hip,
the next i'm lucky if i even hear from you.
you've got me by the lip
and i'm at a loss, i don't know what to do.
i can't take this constant turbulence,
all i want is to know that we're okay.
your silence is merciless,
and fills me to the brim with dismay.
do you want me? do you not?
i wish you'd miss me.
i was everything you wanted, i thought.
is that suddenly not what you want it to be?
i clutch my head, trying to make some sense
but reality seems to run even further away.
all of the muscles in my body start to tense,
and the skies turn to a dismal gray.

You don't get to choose who you fall in love with, she says. For most, this isn't true. Millions of people know who they want to end up with for the rest of their lives. They want someone who would love them beyond what one is capable of. Someone who will tell them they mean the whole world for them. Someone who would take the risk, catch and fall. A lot of people make definite images about who they plan on falling in love with.

I didn't.

I agreed with what you whispered that night while we were on our phones, waiting to see who gets knocked out of their senses and fall soundly asleep first. I thought of it over and over and heck, it made sense. I was out of your preferences. You were too good to be mine. Yet you were madly in love with me and I was madly in love with you—

But then, why would I be surprised? You eventually left.

You came in like an earthquake, shaking my thoughts and mixing my feelings with what I stand for and I was left in a horrendous state—too damaged to ever be fixed. A passing moment you were, but what devastation you have caused. I guess, you really don't get to choose who you fall in love with. Because no matter how seemingly perfect our love was for each other, left I was with nothing but a crack right in my heart.

-------------

I once learned that Love Waves were the most destructive surface waves ever to occur, I said.

Maybe there's a reason it was named liked that, I thought seconds after as you turned back and walked away.

Like the plates of the earth
the world beneath my feet is solid and withstanding.
seemingly resolute,
it has held together with manageable
cracks and tears;
a steady foundation.

Like the plates of the earth,
my world begins to shift;
the cracks and tears grow suddenly
without warning I am thrown
into a tumult of confusion and discord.
Shifting becomes breaking;
slowly, piece by piece,
my plates split apart,
creating not a giant hole,
but a small and slivered crevice that
appears to swallow all of my breaking pieces.

Discomfort
unease
fully aware of each falling part
this turbulence continues;
days go by and more pieces
are breaking
and falling
and disappearing
before I can catch them
and hold them close
until my ground quits shaking.

For I have hit an earthquake
and I close my eyes
and grasp the few roots
left in this mess
and wait.

Now the shift is over
while the earth has finished its quaking,
my world is still trembling in recovery.
The balance has yet to be regained;
I am still assessing the damage,
waiting for the sun to shine again
to show me what is left to mend.

The bridge from discomfort to normalcy
quivers with every step,
but I find solace
on the rising sun’s horizon.
A small voice whispers,
“it is good.”

Today it is March
what a beautiful march it will be.

saying you don't want to fall in love because you can't risk getting hurt is like saying you won't build houses because earthquakes exist

I've been on this path for a while now
Sometimes straying away from the straight and narrow
but in time always finding my way back
Waking up in the mornings thanking the powers that be
that I'm still breathing this air around me
Taking all this wisdom that I have found for granted
And all in one breathe it is shaking
The earth beneath me begins to shake
as my knees begin to quake
And in that moment
Every mistake
Every moment of question
Every right decision
Flashes before your eyes
Like the shortest sweetest documentary you've ever watched
you realize that this is where the path splits
Veer to the left and you head back down the trail
Veer to the right you head up the rest of this mountain
Make the decision wisely

the day the city we built came crumbling down is the day i asked myself over and over again:

were you not level headed,
were you tipsy turvy,
were you drowsy eyed,
when there were earthquakes erupting from your palms?
were you even ok,
when you shoved me in the back of your "junk drawer" in your mind
did you even try to know what it felt like when i erased you from my wasted time
did you flight or fight
or did you even try to understand
when your palms were trembling like earthquakes?