In the big red house
Lives a man of many words
Usually delightful
But with each bottle
The meaning and intentions blur

And once the bottles gone
No matter how polite
There's still a lingering memory
Of his words
From past
Drunken nights

I thought expressing how I’m feeling would be freeing.
I told them they were a fraud.
All-knowing, but clueless about ‘being’.
A narcissistic deity with no right to call itself God.

An entity so powerful it can create a universe in six days,
But it created a boy who every time he starts something, cannot commit.
A boy so riddled with self-loathing that every day was a haze.

I  told it,
“I’m afraid.”
That night I laid in bed thinking of more ways to describe the blades I felt piercing my heart.  The jaded and absent almighty father who may as well have abandoned me and left me with the maid.

This is why I stopped being religious in the seventh grade.

And this was a desperate plea.
I can’t get to sleep.
The weight of the world is the weight of my sheets.
Try to get up, but everything’s spinning.
I asked God,
“Is this just the beginning?”





“read.”

That’s all that it said.
Ghosted by God like it had a hot girl at a bar’s passive nonchalance.
And it fills me with dread.  Like I was just diagnosed with lung cancer.

But I told God, “What I’m most afraid of is losing hwr.”
I meant to say her,
a textual slur,
but at least that plea will live on,
Despite no answer.

I was walking out of the Quaff, roommate by my side
Heading up Broadway to my poorly parked car
And you came running out after me, yelling "John, John wait!"
And I told you earlier, you shouldn't call me that
Just because you can't remember my name
But you couldn't help yourself, I think

A group of drunk kids on scooters are racing past us
I'm looking at you while you look through me  
And John, actual John is glancing from you to me to you to the street
You look like you might kiss me
And John looks like he doesn't want to see it

So I remind you that you meant to head home hours ago
And you laugh and say you just might  
And a drunk woman is calling your name
And your eyes are glossy and far away
And part of me wants you to
And the rest of me just says "I'll see you tomorrow night"
And we go our separate ways
And I worry about you all night

You told me your stories, your past to present, but today lead us to another dimension.

I wasn't there when you dealt with your demons, but now you have me so let's be fair.

You told me you were an alcoholic drunk, with no self luck, ambition or love for life. I never judged you and understood your story.

But now it's time to deplete your new mission.
You left without a say
You parted your lips to the bottled glass and began your sipping.
Waited 8 hours wondering where you were, and it sure felt like forever.

When you came back to me, you told me what happened, but you had a new demon inside you, growing like I never seen before.
You hurt my feelings, because you lied to my face, but I guess that's what happens when you're dealing with the addictions you must really face.

No more you said, You don't like the taste, your stomach hurts but now again you repeat the same mistakes from many years before.

I try to help, frustrated I' am, sad I' am, crying I' am, but you do not care, you're emotionless, because to you, I' am the mean one.

What is it I must do, you tell me to dump you, but meanwhile you tell me you love me, so what is it?

confusion, haste, anger, malice,
you left within a clip of air once again,
because after our talk, you had to disappear from the truth, the bitter cold truth that bit your tongue like a scared cat in the middle of a dark alley way.

I cannot forgive you, not yet, not now, prove yourself first to me and then we will see...

Infinity is the inner edge of ever
there is no outer edge,
ever never ends.

Any where in ever is possible
or it is not.
no where is not here, when ever is.

Never is imaginable but
never realizable
after ever begins.