we were driving down one of those stupid
streets where all the houses look the same
and you looked over and asked me
"are you okay?"
i think i just shrugged it off and said
"yeah, i'm fine"
but beneath the veneer
(which i think you knew was there)
i was coming apart at the seams
heart apart from body, mind up in space
but then you earnestly asked me again and
truth tumbled from my lips like a prayer

What if I just
..
Kept
Driving

I never felt more alive -more free
then I did on that night summers drive
we drove for an hour on a mere whim
to a place I used to live
a place so full of
isolation
-of disgusted faces and sharp judging eyes
-of seasons changing from a single window
-of holding onto what little you could
-of learning how to live without

as I drove with windows down
your hand riding the wind outside
nothing looked the same
nothing had changed

I parked in a cornfield on the same road of my grandmas old farm
and we spun in circles in the middle of the road
listening to our brand of music from tinny phone speakers
I guess we must have driven a bit too far
to have seen the name of another state on the screen

What’s wrong with me?
I can’t do anything they can do
And they do it so easily
It doesn’t help that they reinforce this inferiority
By telling me constantly
that which is wrong with me.


They mock  
And they laugh
What a worthless joke I am  
Still living at home
Watching the time go by
Remaining in the same place I was left years ago
Still don’t have a driver’s license
Or even a job
I sit in my bed
And let the painful memories flood in
It’s a shock I’m not dead
How have I not committed suicide yet?
They can mock me if they want
I’m already numb
To the cruelty of humankind

You ask what’s wrong with me
with that arrogant nature
Your smug expression
wrinkles your painted face
To put down another for their flaws and disabilities ...
I should be the one asking
What is wrong with you?

moment wrapped in ribbons of silk
twirling and swirling in circles
amaranthine

driving at night, sky blackened
windows like vacuums
******* in the smoky winter air

wheels grinding, rolling against the lopsided asphalt
crushing rocks with every bounce
driving,
no location
only hands gripping the wheel
and pressure on the acceleration

driving down silky ribbons of rocky asphalt
driving
no location
only hands gripping the wheel
only pressure on the acceleration
only you holding tight
grabbing life by the neck

sitting in a box
only going where someone else takes you
is empty
so grab every moment
wrapped in ribbons of silk
twirling and swirling in circles
amaranthine
savor the bittersweet memory while it lasts

ripped and torn from its place in the neurons
in the brain
stored in the depths of the ocean
the ocean of memories abandoned
lapping against the vacant shore
sky blackened, windows like vacuums,
******* in sand, summoning dust
spiraling piles crowding out a smooth smile

driving through amaranthine moments
widening eyes
moments wrapped in bittersweet anticipation

We've seen lone souls walking desert highways of New Mexico, barefoot hitchhikers along burnt out main drags and closed down drive-ins.
We bought moonshine and turquoise on the Navajo Trail and drank in the dusty neon ghost towns of Route 66.
We went over the Rocky Mountains and found kids singing Woody Guthrie in old gold rush towns of Colorado.
We walked along railroad tracks in the shade of date palms, listened as westward bound freight trains rumbled into the red evenings. A country as mercurial as our very moods.

I used to think the moon followed me everywhere I went.
Like a beacon of light guiding me to where I needed to be.
Now as I sit in this car looking a the man in the moon asking,

Where to next?