i do not really understand
who you have become
why you have changed.
what used to seem so real, so clear
is gone.
talking to you is like
speaking through a
foggy
thick
translucent window
where the full picture is distorted
and i never know if you are fully understanding.
i don't want to lose what we have
but i don't know if you truly care

So confusing, constantly shifting
Scattered across my life
Pieces to the puzzle, constantly drifting
Started from the middle, can't find the edges
Life's little things always in chaos
Big picture got me gazing over ledges
Thinking death ain't so scary
Not suicidal
Just a little confused, thoughts always contrary


Tell me I'm worthless
Don't deserve no one
Tell me I'm perfect
Ain't deserved by no one
Voices in my head
Their never done
Always one last thing to be said
I don't get any peace
And I don't get no love

My head in her lap
Fingers through my hair
So close to a relapse
Had she not been there
But she don't remember a thing
To much wine and revelry
And I can't say a thing
For fear of her leaving
For fear, fear of her staying

What do I do
If she says no
What do I do
If she says yes
How can I live my life
At the end of this rope
Pull the knot, Kick the chair
But I ain' wanna go there
To much commitment
Look I'm scared
Had to many people in my life walk away
To many times where I forgot what to say
To many ******* times
Couldn't read their minds

i think every night
tomorrow i'll be real
and stop acting like a fool.
i'll be my serious self,
leave the sugar at the door.

yet with the sun comes
the amnesia
"who am i?"
those three precious seconds,
then
"oh no"
i remember.

i dread the day.
the brushing of teeth
drinking of water
checking of phone
eating of pasta i will never finish

Funny how people you know, may come and go.
Whether it be from a poor choice of words, or the weight of the world.

There is always a time,
Where my heart begins to clear,
And,
My weary lungs,
Cry in relief.

My head still may ache,
For it has been dragged so raw,
But,
My lips may finally rise,
For my cheeks to peacefully rest upon.

At last my soul may relax,
Panic slowly drifting,
Off my shaky silhouette.

I often glance at you
But fear my eyes will get trapped in your gaze
Like staring into the sun
Aimlessly
To the point of unconsciousness
My mind drifting through space and time

And then...

...silence

Your head shifts away and the spell finally...

...breaks