why won't someone tell me
what they know
or is it all a show
I can't really tell
the spasms
touches of sarcasm
the flakes of fakes
like a self conscious woman
I follow you
blindly
i follow
but now i wallow
as your actions hit me
like a heart attack
maybe I am just being dramatic
It's a panic
shaken bones
my mind has grown
It's just a panic
a panic.

Endless storms inside my mind
Ravaging and tearing at my very soul
Wearing down my will to survive
A selfish desire developed so strong
To release this agony
And pour out my sorrows
With the edge of my knife
I take a slice and watch
As the crimson ink flows
And writes these words I speak
My whole being tortured by thoughts
And the world around me closing in
Pressuring me to submit to life
A resistance floods over me
A life I can't live
A life I can't imagine
A life too strong
A life too overwhelming
A life I can't bare to live
And it would all come down to a decision

Big unwieldy reputation
Every time I take a step it’s a big conversation
But nobody ever wants to talk about the real me
And once upon a time, I had someone by my side
But I learned long ago real friends are hard to come by
Well, if good people are hard to find that must be why trust is even harder
Big unwieldy reputation
And people who want to play like adults but are scared like children
Because they’ve learned nothing in life is ever, not even close
And they know every move you make enlarges your reputation
No, no, no, it doesn’t matter if it’s true
It matters if it’s good; it matters if it’s exciting
Because we are a ruthlessly sick crowd craving a taste of excitement
Which is why we all get left with a big unwieldy reputation.
Big unwieldy reputation.

bathing in my emotions
feeding my feelings
nurturing my neurosis

people are too far
they seem nothing like me

your eyes seem to change colors
and seem to be deeper than the ocean

you have different laughs but my
favorite is the short and breathless one

you know i can’t stand country music
yet you blast it through your speakers

your family has dinner together every
single night like the ones in the movies

you always say, “yeah, um” or “the uh”
when you’re thinking of what to say

you workout every day for hours
shaping your body into perfection

you seem like a mama’s boy
always trying to please and talk to her

you love animals but
still eat your meat

your mom is always gone traveling
and you pretend that you’re not sad

you work hard for the grades you have
but the pressure makes you feel worse

your considering the army but
can’t decide if it’s worth the time

your hands are always rough when
you touch me but it just means hard work

you always look at me like i’m the
only one you are able to see

every time we see each other
i notice more stops on your
roadmap and i travel every
time we laugh, cry, smile
and i think it’ll be an endless vacation

You were the moon; ghostly and looming.
I was the lightening; formidable and opaque.
We started as lovers, across a sea of stars.
But the immense and powerful waves of emotion
had taken their toll.
You cried that I was too sporadic, and untouchable.
I screamed that you were too trivial, and distant.
I guess the only thing we had in common,
was that we were both lonely lights shining brightly
in the vast and cold sky.

m.e.