i feel empty
hollow
as if someone has poked holes in the back of my chest that lead to my heart so that almost everything that makes me me has drained
the blood rushing out like water from a hose
the noozle turned to the maximum

yet i come to You
because I know everything else won’t do
nothing else will cure me
because everything else just pours more and more into me expecting that i’ll be someday filled
yet that day never comes
because while it might feel good for a second
I feel more drained than ever

but than i come to You
and You patch my holes
and heal my scars
and then fill me up to the brim
with more than i will ever need

i cannot write.
i cannot think.
i cannot sleep.
i can only work work work work work
until i drop dead.

i read your poetry every day
searching for myself
in every syllable.
but it's all about me!

i
i
i
ineedsleep.

i
i
i
iamamess.

just like this poem i think i am good at writing.

(amessamessamess)

i
i
i
iwouldtakeasleepingpillbut

it­ would only result in a mess.

tears spill out
from weary eyes

all color drained
no sparkle there
no life

my soul won't hold
the pain today

spirit split
and torn

my mind's sadness
makes my body ache

with leaden feet
weighted heart

when filled with all
this gravity

how can there be

such emptiness inside

Maybe it was the first time I thought about death.Maybe it was the first timeI wished I could die.Maybe it was the first time.I actually tried to **** myself.or the next few times.

I ask myself why I didn't succeed the first time
Or the next.What's the point of living.When I died inside the first time death crossed my mind.

Its like I'm waiting for the end desperately.I fear that one day I'll force it on my self.Is it true some people die before their time?Should I call them lucky?

What is the point of living.If every day I feel lost, lonely, empty.....What is the point in believing.
When every day reminds me I've failed.Searching impossible sources for happiness...Being reminded daily that sadness and bad things happen.

They say I am ungrateful and difficult.Every one only sees the things I want as exaggerating life.Do they ever wonder what their words do to me?Do they ever worry that I feel rejected and alone?Do they ever miss me when I am out of sight?

Whats the point in staying here if I'll never belong?

I have thought about therapyTelling a stranger my sad damaged mind....Because I feel so depressed right now and I have felt like this for so long I am just tired to having to hold back the tears when all I want to do is scream and die.