I'm thinking about you again today.
I think about you every day to be honest.
I just got through reading a long post your mom made to you.
It breaks my heart that you'll never get to read it.
You'll never get to see how much you were truly loved.
I go to your facebook page every other day as well.
I don't even use facebook anymore,
but I guess there's a part of me that still hopes it's all a dream,
and that one day I'll go on your page,
and it will no be a memorial page.
The pictures that read "Rest In Peace" will be gone.
Your last message to us wouldn't be there.
Instead you'd have posted something funny,
or replied to one of your friends dumb posts.
I still hope that you'll message me back,
and I'll come home to my husband laughing at something you said.
But I know it won't happen.
Deep down inside,
I know you're gone.
But it's just not fair.
It's not right.
You should be here with us.
You should still be laughing,
and smiling,
and breathing.
Your mom shouldn't have to miss her first born.
Your dad shouldn't have to drive your truck to feel close to you.
Your siblings shouldn't have to know life without their big brother.
I just don't get it.
I know you were hurting...
but it's like your hurting never went away.
Like a nasty parasite,
your pain latched onto everyone who loved you,
the minute your soul left this earth.
None of us will ever be the same again.
June the first was when you turned our world upside down.
We've been feeling the shockwave ever since,
and I don't think that feeling will ever leave us.
We miss you Ivan.
I just wish you could see how much we miss you...
