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leeaaun Jan 2019
Doubts
can consume your soul,
destroy your
dreams
and
every
inch
of your hope.
Brenda Mukisa Jan 2019
I am a black girl with locs
I wear head wraps and put on African prints
I do not speak with an African accent
or religiously follow the traditions.
For that I am not African enough.

One says he loves me
One looks at me enough to burn holes into me
One comes looking for me only to act like he doesn't know me
One winks and seeks attention when I'm done giving it
One.... one said He can never like me
That one I think I like most
For that I'm foolish.

I am a small girl
I however seek to loose weight more
than people way fatter than me
They all say my size is okay but they are not
my brain and thus don't get to feel fat the way I do
For that they say I'm ungrateful.

I appreciate black men
I just prefer white men
I try not to date black men long time
For that I am racist to them.

I speak to my parents but don't go out
of my way to spend time with them
Past hurt and experiences and avoidance
of future heated discussions leads me
For that I am ungrateful.

I sit in my house and cry.
I cry at worship and feel less and lost most of the time
I take smiley pictures and eat a lot of ice cream
For that I am happy.

I love eating at restaurants and cafes
I love ice cream , cake and wine
I don't like food and rarely eat
I take pictures of my food and ice cream a lot
For that I am a show off

All assumptions, all untrue, all your thoughts
Ask me my name and hold me when I feel I'm falling apart
Love me on days I cant love myself
Ask me about me first.
Then think truths about me.
the girl behind the assumptions.......
tryhard Dec 2018
i do not know
to be honest
what or who i am
or what i should be
i know not
why i am here
or any other reason
to stay a little longer
but what i find
just as hopeful
is i still do
despite not knowing
i am fighting
for a cause i cannot yet name
i am searching
without the assurance of finding
something is keeping me here
in the pointlessness of everything
and i do not why
but i am staying here
and as you can see my entire life is an existential crisis
ren Dec 2018
please let me run,
i am dying under the care of my so called feelings,
they tear me apart
and make me feel as if i’m not me-
maybe i never was?
tryhard Dec 2018
why
at times
i have to remind myself
i am here
right now
i exist
in a million possible times
in a million possible places
in a million possible bodies
i am here
and so
i am struggling
trying to find the why
trying to find a reason
of all the possible times
of all the possible places
of all the possible bodies
sometimes i do not understand
why now
why here
why me
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
are you having doubts yet?
do you want to leave yet?
that's why i don't get attached
that's why you don't know too much about me
i'm afraid you'll run
when you find out who i am

ktle Nov 2018
I love the number 2 because
2 people means no remainder.
bus seats, store sales, coffee deals,
are made for two.
3? Well, it's uneven.
and 1 will always have
the anxiety
of feeling alone and forgotten.
the burden
of carrying a forced smile
and sometimes faking a laugh
to things you dont understand
because you'd think that if you do
you would feel less left behind.
but when it fails and a laugh seems
too rehearsed,
the three seconds of silence
before they turn to one another
makes you think that they know
and dont care.
makes you think you're an extra piece
without a spot in the puzzle.
it's wasnt always like this.
I used to think that nothing
could be complete
if it wasn't us three.
but lately when I'm with you two
a part of me wanders off to think about
what you're thinking;
if I should memorize the words
to that song you're both always singing;
and what I can change about myself
so that you won't leave me.
And then, the three of us together
becomes two and a half.
"love and fear they're not so different. the things we love the most are also what we're most afraid to lose"
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