and, gone it does
all it was
destined
designed
determined
de
deedly deed of doing being
boring
being
de
determined to add means to ends
designed to signal turn or lose
destined to end,
all it was gone to be

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little light headed. No, I’m okay. I don’t have a condition or anything. I just feel like my world is slowly collapsing. Every time I try to fix things and somehow getting good, the universe will do a huge clap back and smack me in the face.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little useless. Just when I thought I’m doing an excellent job at work, it came to a point that they have to let me go because of personal issues and choices. “You’re good but...” There’s always a but. But should be my middle name in other lifetime. It suits me well.

Lately, I’ve been feeling very insecure. My girlfriend loves me, I know that. But sometimes I feel like she can’t express so much of a feeling like how she used to express it to her ex-girlfriend. When we started dating, I stalked my girlfriend for fun and I saw posts and letters and all that kind of crap how she loves her and how every single second is important when talking to her. She even right the call details in a ******* notebook with all the hearts and smileys and all cheesiness. Me, on the other hand, being mad at for being demanding for asking more phone calls. (she’s working milessss away, btw).

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little betrayed. My mother, who is supposed to keep me safe and warm based on the world’s rule, messed with my life. She placed me in a very difficult position and now people are hunting me away. My cousins, who are my very best friends as well, turned their backs on me because of what my mother did. They even back stab me during dinners that I’m not around. Referring to me as “she’s like her mom”

Lately, I’ve been feeling… Lost. I have nobody to turn to. I have nothing to do. I always tell myself to “Focus on what I can control. But now… I don’t have control about anything anymore.

when I was younger,
I had these hopes and dreams
and this one huge goal.

I wanted to leave this world
a little better off than it was
before I existed in it.



now, I've realized that
all I want is to
leave this world

and I don't care if
it's better off or not.

I thought that by now
I'd be happy.

I've been battling
these demons for
so, so long.

I don't want to lose.
I don't want to give up.
I just don't feel like
I'm able to keep fighting.

the truth is, I'm not
strong enough
anymore.

I need help,
but I don't want it.


please, teach me how to
disappear in peace
without taking
a piece of you
with me.

you need to
remain whole.
you need to
fill in the gap
left by my absence.
you need to
keep fighting.

keep fighting.
do what I couldn't.
please...

I think I know that I've gone too long
I forget the day and also the way
I stand long for the time I think I know the place that I have to know more
Maybe I get lost
Maybe I know I get lost
But I am still thinking I know that I've gone too long
And trying to come back
Do you mind if I come back?
Do you still accept me back?
In your heart, in everything I've done before