i was small when you chose me.
a ribbon tied beautifully around my neck,
shaking in a box
the sun too bright for my eyes.
you smiled,
and i mistook it for kindness.
my forever home.
i learned quickly
that love can wear faces.
that hands can come down hard and still call it discipline.
that food is not promised, even if you sit.
even if you beg.
even if you try to be the best boy.
the chain outside never rusted faster than my hope did.
i stopped barking for help when no one came.
just curled tighter,
colder,
quieter.
you taught me fear by name.
it was yours.
when i peed on the carpet,
it wasn’t defiance.
i just couldn’t hold it anymore.
you never let me out.
but you held my head down like my lungs were made to drown.
and i thought,
maybe this is what love feels like to monsters.
you forgot to name me.
so i named myself sit.
so i named myself stay.
bad dog.
i chewed the furniture once
not to destroy,
but because no one left me toys,
and my teeth ached with the loneliness of growing.
do you remember when i licked your hand after you hit me?
i do.
i thought maybe if i gave you all of my love,
yours might finally stay.
they say dogs are loyal.
but what they mean is:
“we forgive the unforgivable
with our tails still wagging.”
i would’ve died for you.
but you made me live like this instead.
and now i sleep in silence
a small grave behind the shed,
where no one visits.
where no one remembers.
but i remember.
i remember everything.
and still,
i hope your next dog knows only warmth.
and that if ghosts have teeth,
mine are dull.
because i only ever wanted to be good.
even if you never said i was.
a sad narrative from a faithful friend.
