Distrust
Is like a
Drug
A dopamine-like
Strike
But one
That I dislike
Overshadowing
Taking up too much
Possibilities for closeness
Get decreased by its touch

Sadly.
Though I won't give up
Rewriting the stars,
genes and some old scars.

Against life, we grew wiser
Rooftop dancing at golden hour,
Theorising on human behaviour.

The music made us tougher,
**** - supposedly smarter
We were promised a future; 'brighter'.

Yet nothing cut greater than trusting her.

//

Risking safety to feel folly,
Thriving in co-dependency -
She made me lonely.

But our jaws and belly both hurtful, I was thankful
To laugh so freely, hide carelessly empty -

We built a nest of sufficiency for what felt like a century.

Still lonely, though
Shamefully hoping one day she’d hate me so.

Where's the trust?
Where's some loyalty?

What did they do with the respect
that came with shared courage,
with the common courtesy that competed
so well with the tired and bitter?

When did the fear win?
When did suspicion succeed
in dividing us? When did we fall?
And how long can we wait?

How long will we wait
for our disquiet
to override our distrust?
To make us love again.

And what if we don't?
What if it never happens?
What if we never forget to lock the door?
What if this is as good as it gets?

But what if we do?
What if we get to try again?

We’d go for a 4 in the morning walk.
We'd pick up some warm rolls,
And I wouldn't worry about the cracks.

She warned me, of "is" becoming "was"
I thought, just enjoy this "is" and let it slowly become "was"
Now I'm lost, for the cause of "is" becoming "was" was to be for a better cause
Or so I thought

It happened, I knew it wasn't going to be the best experience
Buh me and bro always said to ourselves, it will become a memory
I tried as much as possible to be the ideal meaning of obedience
Buh with them, you still have to act careful carefully

And so we were told, I should be weary for I don't know what truth people will unfold
Old, bewildered by the statement behold, were the people who were making my current "is" cold
She oughta know, that her seedling  isn't one to go with the flow
And now, the bow, the phone, the words, the arrow

With all I was told, I couldn't have been trusted enough that there's a reason I'm bold
My bold, mistaken for disrespect to my older foes
I wasn't expecting someone so close to misinterpret my bold
Buh a little distance, messed us up way too low

Sigh, what more could she have said
Manipulative was all she said buh all the abusive words combined couldn't have meant what she meant
They can't handle someone who wouldn't be submissively controlled because I'm a product of their rent
I'm hurt, she's hurt, buh this time, I deserve some respect

With all you told me, you really think I'll go out with just anyone
From everyone to anyone, I made you understand this dude is still a number one
It's fine if I'm to be sealed in like they wish, I just need one good reason why you and them do what you did

Bet you didn't know this side of me still exists
The one that takes up a pen and paper when he's truly sick of how different things persists
I thought it died, cos we've never made it to this level
I just realized the closest people are the ones that bring out my rhythmic rebel

Trust forever
An impossible mission
Whenever I am trying
I simply fail miserably

Can't imagine to break free
Without to lose connection
Two parts within me
Split apart forever ?

Dreaming
Such romantic dreams
All the time
It's all in my head,
It seems.

Should have known,
The only one, trying for years.
That giving all of myself
To someone who is empty
Will only render me,
Similarly.