Feelings always changing and forever moving like the water flows in the ocean.
Full of shallow thoughts and deep-rooted insecurities.
Why do I care how you feel? Because I absorb your soul like the ******* of poison from a deep wound.
Taking it upon myself to help you find some lethargic relief. I know it can damage my very existence but I take it on as if I am able to carry your burden.
It’s as if this poison fills me and I am able to change its very form into liquid gold that warms me.
I see glimmers of hope in your eyes and that’s enough. It’s enough for me to continue to help.
Enough that I lose myself and my own poison doesn’t exist in these moments.
My poison is briefly eliminated as I pull in your destructive energy. It begins to run in fear, selfish because it realizes it is no longer significant.
It waits and creeps up again when it knows it can be the center of the universe again. When it can conquer all aspects of my fragile mind.

Some days my heart feels heavy with it
The distant want
The growing fear

The way it is but will not stay
For the remainder of these
More youthful days

My heart is this
Alone
But not at last

Instead how it wanders
Through fields of idealism
And lets you pass

With every conscious moment
In this
How I dream of you and let you pass

I know you know I love you
I think I know you love me too
But it's not the same love.
It's not those butterflies I got in my stomach
Although you still give me those
It's not that plummet I felt from my throat to my chest
Although you caused them more than most
I think I know you love me
When you get protective and envious when someone makes a move
Although I catch myself smiling when you do
Those times you cross red-lined boundaries
Although I know you had the best intentions
It's not the same love.
When I stop the messages
Although you do them more than I
When you feel awkward with my interactions
Although I try not to question yours
When you go back to your first
And I ponder the thoughts of a second
When that disconnect feels so physical
I wonder if our loves have changed.
It's been so long since you've said the final words
Yet we still maintain the contact
Like nothing changed or happened
Even though everything did.
I look at you now and I know
I'd love to see you grow
I love the way we joke
I'd love to stay so close
I know it's not the same.
You know I love the way
Your glasses frame your face
Your lines that grow with age
You focus on your own pace.
You know it's not the same.
I think I love you differently
It feels like it's fading out
Into something deeply new
Like the way close friends do
I only want to know
If it's the same for you.