Like a distorted image in an unnerved puddle,

I cant recall your face.

Happy memories and fleeting times,

fade at a painful, heart wrenching pace.



Your love was suffocating and broken,

its left me bleeding red.

Of all the storms I've weathered,

I couldn't handle you wanting me dead.



Like shattered glass,

the pain is sharp.

tears burn my tired eyes.



But I walk the streets with a smile on my face; and keep the pain inside.

Your face
is
distorted
in my
screen.
It's
the clearest
image
I've ever
Seen.

there is a mirror
in my head
and it
is not quite like yours

the mental mirror
hold threads of distorted truths
and made up of
complicated lies


but yet,
the mirror
is my confidant;
my everything

it is my raging war;
i am its revolutionary
it is my calm
before the unceasing storm


it was once a lie
it will always be a lie
made of lies
and always lies
no matter the endless cries
the mounting angst
will it ever go away?
no.

i sit at the wretched mirror
wondering the possibility
of a someday
where smiles
will truly be smiles
and laughs
will be utter expressions of joy
i sit thinking about the
the slight notion
of a time
without locked
foreshadows
of lies

i wish to be free
like the girl
inside of me
does too

if only this could be true.

i look at the mirror
a thing which i called home
asking all these unnecessary questions;
and i ask
and ponder

i touch the mirror
and close my eyes
i see a little girl
she smiles

her smile is so perfect
so angelic
like the creases of its corners
felt like the pages of a book

her lips part to say the words
"i love you"
(b.d.s.)

My life has evolved into something
I did not anticipate.
I find myself surrounded by people;
I'm always running late.
My grades aren't where I want them.
My talent isn't great.
My skin has become dull and worn.
Mediocre seems my fate.
The voices in my head overwhelm me.
Nothing can sedate it

I like order
I like organization
I like schedules
I like rules
I like balance
I like harmony

But recently                                   ,
    my life becomes                                         a whirlwind          .

Which   way   is   up

                   ?
    I can't find my  footing
...
                                                 ­          Where did
          the ground go                                                               ­      !

Thefloorissinking Itiscavingin
   I need to--
                         I need to find my rock.

The winds that blow
And feel through my soft skin
Not only make me feel cold and chilly
But give me a feel of something piercing

At rapid speeds they blow
Through all directions
And see to that you
You fall and

But there's one thing
That should always be in your mind
That you are stronger than the winds

Sit up straight,
you're not pretty when you seem so relaxed.
Suicide season only comes once a year,
there's no other time for sadness here.

Never spend any money on food,
buy expensive clothes to please everyone else,
even though you live all of your life in solitude.

Spread yourself too thin by biting off more than you can chew,
keep reminding yourself that discipline is a virtue.

You're becoming so distant from the rest,
and the finish-line is blurry now.
You're not sure if they're overlapping you or you're the one that's winning,
yet you feel it is both somehow.

Make it through another Autumn and fall into Winter,
and maybe this time you can walk alone in the snow without leaving a footprint.
It will be beautiful,
it will be pure,
it will be worth it,
I am sure.

An abominable thought comes to mind:
You can crash your car violently enough so that it will ruin your entire face, it will be a blank slate, and then no one can judge you for getting plastic surgery.
You might actually look better that way.

A cognitive distortion
blown out of proportion,
it haunts my mind every day.