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fray narte Jul 2019
my soul is stuck
in old, coastal towns;
a cup of strong coffee in hand;
i can drown in its taste
mixed with my heartbeat running amok.

the sound of the rain
threatens to deform the roof,
as if the midnight sky
was trying
to read her sadness out loud
to the unmarked graves
beyond my ribs;
as if the raindrops
were prison guards
chasing after my soul,
waiting to cage it
back in place.

the broken clock
tells me it's still midnight,
but for all i know,
it may yet be another
sleepless night kinda
monochromatic daybreak
and

i can no longer tell which is louder —
the storm inside my head
or outside.
aiming for that edgar allan poe vibe
purges Jun 2019
i stole the man in the moon
and now i keep him in my room

i hop into my portable radio at night
and i switch the channels
when I get a fright

outside the schools of silver coin fish,
outside, the turtle, who
for a shell, stole a gold dish

yes, you may touch me
but that doesn't make me real

this wavering water glass
is between us
in panes i cannot feel

a glint of gold smoke,
flash of a crystal cigarette

shimmered right out of the spot she stood in,
with one sparkling pirouette
CL Fjell May 2019
Sorrow grips at my mind,
Yells at me
Kills me slowly
Until all hope is gone
So why do I keep going
How do I keep going
When all hope is gone
Am I even me anymore?
Leave me alone
freddi May 2019
Don’t wipe the sleep from my eyes
Let me phase through the day
In a spearmint haze
Unfocused and unaffected
Lost within the loaves of thoughts
That rise and form forests around me
Cotton clouds on my eyes
“Oh I didn’t notice”
Starch stuffs my ears
“What’d you say?”
Blankets bathe my skin
But sometimes I just ignore
Leave me here
Where I’m comfortable and unbothered
I’m sleepy and thus saved
V May 2019
I feel like an invader in my skin,
Show me,
Help me,
To own it once again.
Been more and dissociative lately,
I hate the feeling of being able to look into a mirror, and not see yourself,
Or never feel at home inside your own skin.
CL Fjell May 2019
Living the life I'm not
Watching the world unfold
A passenger on the journey
To a magical land I call--
Nowhere

Since the day I left
I've never fully returned
Only pieces of who I thought I was
Slowly drifting away from
Who I really am.

When will I find where my ghost is heading?
Days?
Years?
Eons?
Or am I already here, maybe the
Journey ended when I found
I'm not who I really am.
Outside of myself
misha Apr 2019
It is sweet to look up at the moon at night,
and know that she sings me a song.
In every moment that I take to pay attention,
to be distracted, to become lost.
Perhaps to be someone else.
Floating by on borrowed time.

Try on a different identity,
perhaps one that will be better liked.
Pluck the tail from a falling star,
and wear it, as a crown.
Unfortunately here, there are no stars to be seen.
We tried our best to drown out their light.
With the harsh glare of our own.

And then I found myself floating in space
on a pair of ink stained wings.
Watching myself walking in circles,
around the edge of the black hole.
Never falling in, never pulling away.
Living in perfect stasis, echoed throughout the universe.
Each instance of me, a radiant shadow.

Each instance of me, a masked queen
sprawled on a throne of falling stars.
Watching myself ride the cascade,
but unable to stop the spiral.
Finally- we would cross the event horizon.
Finally- we would be plunged across existence.
Finally- we would be able to feel the rain.

The sweet rain, that now soaks through my clothes.
It must have been an hour, maybe two.
Someone is probably looking for me,
but which instance of me are they interested in?
The one who watches from afar?
Or any of the other echoes.
Because I could fracture again, at a moment’s notice.

With a blink, the streetlights turn off,
leaving me bathing in twilight.
As the sun struggles to rise for they day,
I notice the last note of the last morning star.
And I can focus again.
Even the sun and the stars
are a little like me.
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