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Sarah Flynn Oct 2020
I want to recover.
I want to open up in therapy
and take my medication like I should.
I want to feel again.
I want this numbness to end.
I want to, I do.

but for that to happen,
my disorders and diagnoses
would have to go away.
I would be left to face
the real world all on my own.

this safe world that my disorders
have built around me would be gone.
I would no longer feel so
disconnected from my body.
I would no longer feel so
disconnected from the world around me.
my disorders would leave me.

I can’t lose any more friends.
I’m still hurt from those endings
that I never saw coming

and whether I like it or not,
these disorder are my best friends.
I can’t lose them yet.
I’m not strong enough.
Sarafæl Oct 2020
We had good *** but that’s about it
We argue over text about stupid ****
You we’re insecure about your ****
I think it made you a *****
Your insecurities
Overwhelmed me
You’re demons overran you
Boy I just couldn’t stand you
I don’t wanna see you any more
You crashed my car then ****** a *****
I don’t blame her tho
This is all on you
I dont think you know
How the things you do
Affect those around  you
Like how you ****** that girl in my bed
Or how your lies were in everything you never said
How you criticized me for wanting to be dead
Why don’t you pull the trigger
put a bullet through my head
Would’ve been better than what you did
When you put that cigarette out on my shoulder
Looked you in the eyes
While I felt it smolder
Said it was fine
You didn’t commit a crime
Cause I wanted it so bad
Like you where always mad
at me for my loyalty
You could never trust
You were always tryina bust
All you had for me was lust
She said you couldn’t have me
That made you want me so much
Now and then I cringe
at how I responded to your touch
I was just tryina binge
Watch some anime
Then you took that away
You forced me to cuddle
You grabbed my hair
Turned me to a puddle
Dissociated
Comatose baby
Protective personalities
Malfunctioning realities
Could this really be happening
I’m watching from the ceiling again
That’s not my body this is all pretend

Oh Geo, I don’t miss you so
I’m so glad to see you go
Now I finally have control
TW: Abusive relationship, suicidal ideation, dissociation
samantha Sep 2020
I often wish things were different
as if a wish does anything but make me dream
I used to have dreams
but now I live in one
The fog fills my world everyday
I’m on autopilot.
Gracie Sep 2020
Alterations in perception
Leads to involuntary self-deception
Is this a dream
Is this reality
What if I am really dead
My sanity's hanging by a thread
I miss having clarity
Being able to differentiate
Am I lucid
Or delusive
I miss being able to truly say
I had a good day
At this point I'm not sure what I know to be true
I just know that I'm tired of trying to push through
And if anybody can hear me
Please help me understand
I'm lonely and scared
Can someone please
just hold my hand?
Only way I can describe my derealization
Roro Aug 2020
Sweet melting ice cream
Sunrise beamed in blue and pink
Snowflakes drizzling, a silent scream
Soft pillows for her cheek to sink
Scents filling her nose like a sweet stream
Lying in her same bed
Eyes open but not awake
Senseless to her frozen core
Not sure if it’s all fake
Her reality now a distant dream
Memories of the world she made, erased
The rainbow sprinkled donut that was her life
She couldn’t recognize or taste
Derealization can make someone feel the world and life they built around them is not real, like living in a hazy dream in an unrecognizable place.
Elliot Aug 2020
Whenever I look in the mirror,
I see Frankenstein’s Monster.
Where am I ?
Dissociated somewhere,
but hell,
even I couldn’t tell you where.

My eyes are no window to the soul
because my human vessel lost it’s soul
a long time ago
I found it,
shattered in the depths of my mind
in so many pieces,
I can never be whole again.

But is that what I want? Or
what society wants me to do?
to pass as a human,
to pass as a man.
Is that who I truly am?

So caught in the webs of preconceived
notions I’ve been fed all my life:
You are not a boy.
You will never be a real man

Well, *******!

I am untangling myself from this web,
leaving the toxicity behind,
surrounding myself with
the sunshine I deserve.

You can judge me all you want
Just know;
I am the one who is truly free.
teni Jul 2020
i fear what is true
and find comfort in the folds of reality.
lurking between material and abstract,
i find your outstretched hand.
pull me back into your world
and teach me to love.
a letter to you, thought you'll never read it
Explore my labyrinthian corridors,
From the walls to the hallways, to the unkempt floors.

'Tis in my mind I finally realize,
I have not the time to explore each and every door,

Precious, singular thoughts,
Expectedly drowning,
but in due course,
We are lost at sea in an ocean devoid,

emptied by the mindless wars.
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