Our darkest nightmares
no longer held closely
but called simply childish
things that were once
so cherished in our eyes
no longer have their meaning
but all the lies we believed
can never be replaced
not simply
nor through time
this is what happens
to your dreams
as you grow out of them.
They become closer to
reality, your reality.
a ****** up, terrifying,
disturbed reality,
full of dissociation and lies.
But maybe your reality
is better than mine.
Still, it’s not perfect
nothing is perfect, not really.

Your body like text,
writ in a foreign language;
Something I can't read.

Wrestling my mind,
trying to get my tongue near
the sweet parts of you.

I'm a selfish ****,
and if we both end up hurt
I won't give a ****.

The space between us
too casual anyways.
Too mediocre.

Wispy thin hair atop her head
Her mind berating her for eating that bread
Eating disorders are not glamorous.

Progress is made
The number creeps up as she's weighed
But she is not cured.

Thin hands, thin feet
Her mind telling her she's too fat to eat
Recovery is not linear.

For recovery she has worked so hard
Yet her mind is focused on her unsightly lard
When will this preoccupation end?

The accomplishment of restriction
Satisfies a distorted internal conviction
Which must be put to rest.


I have to fight to not believe
What I think I perceive
I can't go back down that disastrous path again.

Be a happy girl, be a nice girl, echoes in your head
                               Making you never rest
          Be a modern girl, a hungry girl, want, want, want
                        Feed yourself, and you'll be set
                          Be happy girl, be a nice girl
                             Screaming in your head
             You're dead, you're dead, you're dead
                         All I needed was to be fed
               fed the love, nurture, that every sociopath
                                           Dreads

It's fine
            I'm Ok
Don't worry
            I didn't die today

I’m friends with this girl named Ana, I started to eat less.
Hating the person in the mirror, my life has become a mess.
My best friend is named Ana, she always talks to me,
She tells me to skip meals, maybe two or three?
Ana is the one I listen to, she’s smart and full of advice.
I’m starting to get smaller, my health is the sacrifice.
Mia is my friend too, she pushes me around.
The food has become the enemy and I couldn’t lose a pound.
I’m scared of this girl Ana, I can’t get her out of my head.
It finally occurred to me, that Ana wants me dead.
Mia hurts me too, she makes me want to purge
Buying lots of binge food, I cannot stop the urge.
She even hurts my throat, it burns with every retch.
She even makes me exercise, it hurts when I stretch.
I hate Ana and Mia, they make my life a hell.
Someone please hear my silent screams because she won’t let me tell.
I’m a prisoner of Ana, I’m captive to her will.
I’m doing everything she tells, how can I be fat still?
My murderer is Ana, she starved me to the grave.
My heart finally stopped beating, I failed to be brave.
If you want a happy ending, this story’s not for you
Ana and Mia are silent killers and they’ll even **** you too.

My bottom blossoms
When I sit atop the
Bed and fine red lines
Run down its sides.
If this is the marking
Of a budding woman,
Then let me proudly
Display my vines.