He was in love with her,
The kind of love that kept him up at night,
On the kind of nights that dragged on and on without respite.
He would fall asleep thinking of her,
Dream of her all night long,
And wake up with her name on his lips.
He turned a thousand shades of red whenever
He talked to her, and her gorgeous green eyes
Peeking out from behind her dark bangs made
Butterflies soar in his stomach.
But she was not in love with him,
And messed with his mind for fun.
She was with a different guy every night, and
He never knew that her true intentions
Were anything but true.
He reached for her, but his hand
Was only met by a shadow.

it’s back

i thought getting away from them

        would soothe my splintered soul

but that implanted hatred

        wrecks my mind



i disgust myself

What I know is a lie


I only see a mask
There’s a prepainted face and the paint is chipping
All i can see is a layer broken and things have become clearer
Not on just him but them

I couldn’t see how much her beauty poisoned
I couldn’t believe her words would stay
I  couldn’t believe what i had done

Sometimes a chain still pulls
Let it be felt and known
But what do you know
My lies have tricked all
And so have theirs

I’m not too far off

They say a tree bares fruit
But it also holds vines
And you can’t let go on what you put yourself on
My view to see you guys in success but mourning pleases me
I’m not a worry
I’ve never been a need
I just wanted
Now I can no longer have


Knowledge

I have finally come to the conclusion,
that I do not love myself.
that I don't love the way i smile,
or talk,
or laugh.

I hate that I am quite,
that I'm introverted and
would rather prefer to spend my days alone,
rather than surrounded by people.

I'm trying to improve how I view myself,
however, how do you change your perspective
when you have been living it for years?

I need to cure the swelling of my sinful lips.
He was there, she was there, I was there.
My fear has been replaced with guilt,
I've seen her clothes,
the cat she named Snow,
her favorite mug, her mirror,
and the life she built.
Sadness appeared as disgust
through his knowledge of the perfect way to initiate a kiss
and the perfect way to clean up the trails,
to what I left.
Before I walked out,
I wished he had cleaned up the trails to my loneliness.
He was there, she was there, I wasn't.

some kind of perpetual motion
perpetual motion
this movement took this

what a strange love
strange disgust
where did all this come from

what a strange light
strange moon and stars
where did all this come from

what a strange night
strange strange shadows
where did these shadows come from

oh my mind oh my mind
oh why do I say it all
why there is all this

why the torch burns on fire
why the blood runs running
where did all this come from

why disappearances
why is nothing to us all
never reach
why there is all this

13.07.18

Skin-deep,
I can tolerate you.
Flesh-deep,
You make me gag
but I’ll try not to *****.
Open up your heart and soul and everything else,
All that leaks out is musty air.

Like a plastic ornament,
You dangle unsteadily
On the bristles of a Christmas tree
It is my tremor
From our exchanges
That will loosen your desperate cling
From my limp arms.