FOR loving ME
FOR BEING SO ABOVE ME
EVEN THROUGH YOUR INFERIORITY-
FOR DOING SO MUCH FOR ME
BUT ACTUALLY DOING SO LITTLE.
DON’T LOOK AT ME, BUT
PLEASE DON’T LOOK AWAY.

I FIND MYSELF TANGLED IN YOUR SATIN BEDSHEETS.
AS OFTEN AS I FIND MYSELF TANGLED IN WORDS AT YOUR THROAT.
I CAN'T STRESS IT ENOUGH.
I NO LONGER FEEL love. I FEEL ALL OF THE WEIGHT, THOUGH YOUR TOUCH MAKES THE LOAD OF CONDITION WEIGHTLESS.
THE LIFT OF THIS BURDEN IS MOMENTARY.
WE GRAVITATE, WE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT.
I HATE YOU
FOR loving ME.

I look at myself in the mirror,
Unsure why
I don’t like what I see,
But how can I change?
I was made this way for a reason
And I will stay this way forever.

I don’t want to be like this forever.
I look at my reflection in the mirror
And I do it for a reason,
Even though I don’t know why.
But I guess I want to change
Although it’s not that easy, you see...

I hate what I see,
And I don’t want to be this way forever.
But I don’t know how to change.
Because what I see in the mirror
I think is ugly. You ask why?
Well even I don’t know the reason.

And there is a reason,
That I am still unable to see
And I know why.
Because no matter what, I will think this way forever
And continue to look in the mirror
Wanting my body to change.

I want myself to be different, to change
And it’s like that for a reason.
I can only see myself in the mirror
And I hate what I see.
It will be like this forever
No matter how many times I ask ‘why’.

I cry and scream and yell out ‘why’,
Because I want my body to change.
I will cry forever
For the very good reason
That I hate what I see
When I look in the mirror.

I now know why and it will stay like that forever,
I look in the mirror and am disgusted with what I see,
But I see that I can’t change myself and that is the reason.

upon a hill with the birch and pine
into the shade of north mountain rain
past the foot-marks and berry bushes
i tear into the frame of what makes me.

i dig holes into dim reflections
and use and fuse the self shut.

tongue can taste the ripping of wounds
the sour and gluttonous spite
my greedy mouth chews and chews.
teeth tear the rusty bearings lose

and i sink in the swell of the sea
where the stinging is most.

im proud of my progress and where i am
but i still dont see myself as someone i want to live with

sticky kisses for the missus just
to prove that i'm no wuss
and if it tastes good enough for you
it's good enough for me too.
don't you miss the blissful ignorance
chinese whispers and rumours
written on the tarmac in chalk
for the wind to pick up
and carry on to other schoolyards
eat lots of pineapple, it'll make you taste good.
did she eat ten a penny aniseed sweets for me?
she seeps liquid liquorice
that binds my teeth in a bittersweet grimace
stretching from ear to ear. she hates the taste
and i hate to share my just desserts.
innocence is a burden that burns
like empty lungs, and no breathing in
again until i get what i want,
bad enough to make the children
want to **** themselves. when they want
sticky kisses before bedtime.

I remember
Staring at the vast ocean of stars
Praying, wishing with the last lingering thought before sleep
That my life wouldn't be so stagnant
For an adventure worthy of tales
To throw me off my guard

They say, "Be careful what you wish for in the dark."

Seeing myself in the mirror
A monster, a horror
An unknown disease lurking, hidden
A virus within forever

Wrapping my head in my arms
A self-loathe burning like a fever
A desire to pluck out my nails
Like plucking out petals from a flower

I love me, I don't love me, I don't love me
I don't ever love me

Stop breathing down my neck
Stop pawing me for answers
Stop drilling holes in my back
I can hear your whispers

I know, I know
I don't need you to tell me I'm disgusting
I could throw up just looking at myself

It's pathetic that I brought this onto myself
I used to laugh at the stars
Cursing and swearing like nothing ever matters
"When the world comes crashing down,
Use it as a blanket," I used to say.

Who knew, who knew
I'd never see
Myself the same again

Who knew, who knew,
I'd never see
The sun rise again