There's this heavy feeling,
An unbearable lightness of being,
Like I'm mindlessly floating,
With no sense of belonging.

The world moves and changes,
And I'm left behind to wander for ages,
The memories mock and jests,
What once was makes me wish time regress.

I tried to hold on and belong,
But my connections don't last long,
I know I've done nothing wrong,
Still they left and didn't bring me along.

Now there's dread that lurks at bay,
And so I easily float away,
But for once, I wish I could stay,
God, I don't wanna stay this way.

So I'm just a drifter drifting,
Never staying, always searching.
Don't mind me, keep on living,
You'll forget me in the morning.

I'm just a drifter drifting,
Never staying, always searching,
But God I'm worn and tired of just surviving,
For once, I wanna try living.

I'm just a drifter drifting,
Never fitting, always lacking,
Please someone see me in passing,
Hold me there and say, just for once,

Come and Stay...

When did things change so much?
When did I get so encapsulated
Into the world of technology?
When did I stop listening
To myself and my own thoughts
And instead add another view
To some article or YouTube video
Just to reach some spoon-fed "opinion"?

When did we stop engaging
In life and with ourselves?
When did playing video games turn to
Watching other people play them online
Numbing our brains to the world
And "filling" our social needs digitally?
When did watching television turn into
Binge-watching an entire series in one sitting?

With this much constant stimulation
It's no wonder we're bored so easily
And that no one goes outside anymore
And that I don't feel alive anymore
Because one of the first things I do
When I get home from work or the gym
Is turn on the smart tv so it can warm up
Because the apps on it take time to load
And I already know that my free time
Will be spent in front of that screen

Lately I've been nervous about
Eventually moving in with new people
Primarily because I spend a lot of my time
Passively using the television
I was concerned with how we'd balance our usage
Instead of considering changing the way I spend my time

When did I start placing my use of technology
Above my own self-care?
When I spend hours watching YouTube
But still forget to take a shower sometimes
And I truly wonder if my recent urges
To leave the state to work on a farm for a month
Are more indicative of some deep desire
To unplug and reset my energy and priorities
Than my interest in agriculture or
Learning to live off of the land

When did I start to feel the need
To take such drastic measures
To change something so simple
Something I could choose to disengage with
At the simple touch of a button?

i’m watching me be here
just be; floating
i’m watching me watching
and i feel nothing

my body is cold
but my head is hot
melting my brain
pouring through my mossy eyes

what am i doing here
she doesn’t look like me
a carcass brimful
nothing of mine

divided mind from body
frozen in blurry vision
a universe away
i mourn for peace

"Over here"...
but nothing.
The scene continues
unabated by my presence.
Plastic smiles and lustful eyes
bountiful but not for me..never me.
In the mirror' s unforgiving gaze
I am unrecognizable
Replaced with a crude rendering
of my previous likeness
fashioned by children
with lumpy imperfect clay.
Silence replaces loving laughter
that used to follow my witty banter.
Silence and stares.  Sympathetic stares
tinged with smugness and fear.
"Over here...over here..."
still nothing.

Before things turned to downfall and downcast,
Everything seemed so good to be true,
The days we cherished together,
Will never be mentioned nowadays,
Oh, take me back to the night we met.
Where a peaceful cast shadowed over us two,
When your soul was once mended whole with mine,
When we were unhurt and satisfied.
I crave the presence of our younger years; nostalgia appears.
The recollection of your smile remains,
The laughter, the whispers, take me back to the day we said our first hellos.
Walking side by side one another,
Discovering new facts about ourselves never deemed detectable,
I had most of you, unfortunately now, I have almost none of you.
Things change,
Time passes,
And we will never get back what we wanted ever again.

I guess I’m okay… What more can I say?
Forget it—never mind,
You wouldn’t understand anyway,
Would you even know what it's like?
Inside a scattered disconnected mind,
Employed to go on strike?
Where indirect misdirect
The sincerity at play,
When sinusoidal chaos spikes
And past meets the future present day?
As paranoid points outlandishly connect
At intervals of broken lines,
Memory lost in recollect,
An array of misshaped bells
Internally infect the eternal confines
Of infinite distributional decay,
Parallels with no intersect,
Streetwise cells with empty signs,
Burned out lights, potholes, and landmines,
Littered all the way.
How am I to convey that all those times
You let your mind wander away
That I was reading, thinking, dreaming,
Teeming, never idle, never strayed,
Seeing, being, so far and away,
Even the brightest intellect beaming,
Could not grasp the feeling
In the slightest of highest orders reeling,
Wound unbound, or as it would be seeming,
Imperfect, even to the disarray
Of the tamest prefect, whose verdict
Could not predict the reflect,
For in this world, seeing is deceiving,
As the lamest reject, defect,
Increasingly decreasing,
In simplistic bliss obey
Crowned unsound fallacies
That contradict all meaning,
Hiding behind reality, the actualities
Lest, protect the thoughtlessness perceiving,
Let me stop you if I may...
I must interject for I digress,
What nonsense was I weaving?
Forget it—I've lost my mind,
I best be leaving,
What more can I say?
It's periodic I must confess,
You probably don't care anyway,
Yeah, yeah, I'll be okay,
Until next time I guess,
I wouldn't want to be misleading.