Some people be like dear diary
And I’m like hello poetry.
Here’s the story of my life.
Sometimes my life is filled with horror
But that’s just inside my mind....That has no honour .

I can’t sleep at night
I can’t eat
I always do what I want
If I get told to do one thing I’ll do another.
I’ve been here before playing the joker.

The voices in my head eat away at me every single second of the day.
Telling me I’m not good enough.
I just really want to feel okay.
And valued by the ones I love.

But how does someone let another in to fix what’s broken on the inside?

Keep your diary
Full with the stupid **** I've said
and tell me you're too good for it

I will save my last lines for you
The final sentences
I will save for when we are alone

words are a boat trying to sail through
storms in my soul
maybe when it’s calm again
this boat docked in a hanger
would remind me of
an adventure long past

This is the perfect time to write
I’m right at the end of 25 years on this planet
Sitting in a bar at 3:14 pm on a cold Thursday in January, 2021
I’ve had a bad day
So I decided driving by this bar that I was gonna stop and have a drink because that’s what I needed today
So far I was right
I ordered a angry orchard on an empty stomach and drank the first half really quickly so I’d get that good buzz really quickly
the nice bartender, an older lady asked me if wanted food so I asked for a menu because, why not?
I’m broker than ever and can’t really afford to be doing what I’m doing right now but what’s an extra 6.99 on pretzel sticks with beer cheese?
It’s beer cheese for heavens sake.
when the going gets tough, the tough get going
to get a good drink on tap
I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time
I get lucky I guess
My whole life has been built on me
Completely on me to decide where I’m gonna go and how my life is going to look
That’s kind of scary honestly
that my life and my sons life relies completely on my shoulders
I can’t ***** up
I can’t give up
So we will just keep going

Dear Diary;
I think I've figured out
why I enjoy staying up so late.
It's 2:44 am
and the world is quiet.
No one expects anything from me
nor do I expect anything from anyone.
It's just me
and the silence.