a hollow figure
fallen to the ground
shattered pieces
were once whole

being smashed
repeatedly
they destroy
the outer wall

they didn’t know
inside the shell
was nothing more
than emptiness

what they wanted
could never be
provided by
the hollowness

lying in pieces
there, disjointed
welcoming fate
of destruction

I had a wall so high, the top you couldn’t see,
and in front there were trenches in the ground.
It had stood there strong for all of my memory,
no one could lift it or break it down.
Then one day you strolled up so casually,
you were so stealthy I didn’t hear a sound.
You asked I could remove it completely
and I suggested going to the next town,
but you knocked and you climbed so persistently
to get inside it seemed you were bound.
Finally one day I opened the gate very cautiously,
then my wall became just a brick mound.
My stronghold had revealed it’s vulnerability,
you had conquered and taken my crown.
Then you said “nevermind, this place isn’t for me.”
after only a short glance around.

“Oh, you sorry fool

You’ve cut your fingers

Plucking on

my puppet strings

AGAIN!!

When will you learn?

Souls like his

Were not meant

for souls like yours

He will live his

whole entire life

And not once

think twice

About the color of

your eyes”


I jokingly tell my friends

That my daddy issues are

The root of these

crushes on older men

But they don’t know

the hurt

Behind those words

It is hard to explain how

The man I'm

sleeping with

Is/could be my

Dad!

Because of this

I now have

Borderline

Personality

Disorder


But I can't

Exactly

talk about

About what

happened

I try to tell my

friends, they

Say

“Well every

teenager

has mood

swings”

But they have

Not seen

How crazy

I can be!

I warn boys I am

crazy

they laugh

and

say

They’ve dealt

with crazy

Girls before

I am too

embarrassed

To tell them

when

They forget to say

goodnight to me

It feels like

the harshest

abandonment,

The cruelest

betrayal,

And I not knowing

How to deal with this

Constant denial


How do you explain

that to someone?

so blissfully unaware,

This boy

I love

with all

all my heart

And then some

Says he will

fight for me

And I so badly

Want to believe in his

promise

But he does not know

It will be a battle

against himself

Because I

Do not know

how to be

with someone

Because I

Am better off alone

Because I

Ruin people

I have a system,

you see.

I let boys put

Their tongue

in my mouth

Their hands

on my

chest

I let myself

believe

Ill fill the hollow

space in my gut

At least take my

mind off of it

And I always

make sure

They like me

more

Than I

like

them

Because

I cannot

be caught

Off guard

again

I remember

the day

I told myself

I didn’t need my dad

He has tried

to work his

Way back into

my life

And I hated

him for it

With all

of my

being

I had never

despised

a human

so much

so I let go

I stopped

Talking

to him

To this

Day

I still

Cry

he still has not

said sorry

Even if

I'd still

Feel

Nothing

The memories

are crushing

Feels so

Heavy

I cannot

forgive

my dad

For what

he did

To me at 2

Years old

And I have never

felt worse

about

Anything in

my life!!

So I take a

silver

spoon

And dig out

the parts

of me

That still

hurt

And I let

men crawl

inside

And I let

them build

a home

So I can finally

be good for

something

All my friends

Growing up

Called me

a ****

*****......

And I want

to scream

They don’t

understand

This is

the only

way I feel

I am worth

anything

This is the

only thing

I can feel

If I could have

it any other

way

I would

But this is the

way things are

And this

Is the way they will

continue to be.
#daddy #issues #**** #*** #men

these thoughts in my head
theyre destroying me
painfully

I wish it was slow
so I have more time

I am losing it
I hate this
I am trying
bit I am failing

she is hurting
and I cant do a thing

maybe I should just accept that
that could be the answer
but I have to help
I cant leave yet

I cant leave her
she is the one

I would give her my life
so she could be happy
but I know that wont happen

I am at a loss of words
I dont know what to do

I hope you feel better
I hope I can help you
because you helped me

They say energy cannot be created or destroyed,
simply poured out into another person.
A shared cycled of movement.

Keep it kinetic,
or it'll never reach its potential.

It is to be ..
Shared wisely -
Never to be graced upon forces darker than your own.
Valued highly -
Gifted upon the likes of a throne.
And held tightly-
Where you can feel it down to your bone.

Energy is a man's life force.
The power behind every thought & action,
bringing forth like energy-
in the law of attraction.

Emptied yourself of emotions
Nothing remains but shadows and rain
Warmth inside diminishing
Numbness spreads throughout each vein

Used to be so alike
Hardly recognize you in this state
I am too fragile to withstand
Damage from the drug I hate

Despise you for letting it win
I see you surrender, can't speak
I get embarrassed loving someone
So selfish, careless, and weak.

I imagine I look pretty stupid
To those who saw the picture from afar
Cut the best parts of my heart out for you
To this day you keep them in a jar

Swallowed by powerful doubts
Choking on tears that pour
Sinking in confusion building
Frozen by longing for what we had before

Staring through hazy promises
Walking in a resentful fog
Alone, hollow, unable to let go
Shards of our relationship spell our epilogue

Litter floor with broken dreams and syringes
They cut, scream at me to turn around
Try and patch our injured hearts
They grow weaker with each pound

Yet we continue attempting
To repair the love we destroyed
I need to accept that you're no longer you
Where your soul once was there is now only a void