i’m always Howling for more out of life. (these secret thoughts
never leave the ends of my lips but now flow from the
end of my pencil so smoothly)
i’m Howling for more time in the day because i can’t
grasp enough of it to satisfy the blank pages in my journals
and my sketchbooks and my sheet music but i must always accommodate
for my shortcomings in math class
i’m Howling for a wink of sleep and i worry sometimes
that my thoughts are as jumbled up in my writing as in my mind
because i deny them rest
i’m Howling for love seriously all kinds of it
unfiltered and clumsy first date love
or subtle and persistent friendship
or the comfort of a tightly-knit family i'm serious
i’m Howling for something real
you see all my days have begun to smear into indistinguishable hues
all the beautiful flowers bloom the same and wilt the same
there’s nothing different; i’m Howling for a change of pace.
something exciting, something peaceful.
something relaxing, something enthralling.
something normal and spontaneous, confined by
nobody and always Howling for more

I thought humans learnt from their mistakes?
Perhaps I'm the exception to the rule?
One would think you'd learn not to put so much trust in others,
In the end.... They'll abuse it.

When my best friend turned around and stabbed me in the back,
Hacked into everything I knew, everything I owned and used it all as blackmail against me, I thought I knew how it felt to Hurt
To feel genuiene Anger towards someone.
I of course was wrong...

Now, couple years down the track, I put too much trust into someone I now know I should never have. He turned around and stabbed me in the back and broke me. I though I knew how it felt to be Crippled
To feel like everything inside me Shattered
Single handedly ruined me and my life, shattered my trust in people and when there was no one there to support me... I fell deeper into the abyss. I sought refuge and support from the people I still held trust and faith in
They too abused my trust in them and broke me further, By now my pieces are too small to fit back together.
A shattered mine and a crippled soul but...
Everyone has problems. Everyone is hurting right?
I shouldn't complain, shouldn't tell you my problems because they're not your problems and why would you want them?
That's absurd

No matter what I say anymore, it is with an ill will
No matter what I do anymore, it is with an ill will
No matter how I feel anymore... it carries with it an ill will...
I am nothing but what people tell me I am
I can't begin to list how others make me appear anymore than I can begin to list how I appear in the mirror...
There is no thinking positively
There is no "It gets better"

When you're me...
...Even the saddest of emotions turn to anger.

A glimmer of hope
A glitter of sunshine
Keeps me awake
In this apocalyptic night
Fear runs down through my head
Down to the chilled spine
Through the bones and every single veins
Of my body
As if it were to crush me
Not just me but my entire existence
As if I didnt exist
I am but a shadow in this sunny universe
Desperate to find my only existence
Wherever it may lie.

I want you like the Sun wants the Earth
I want you with words we haven't even began using yet
The amount is far too tremendous
To even measure it
My flower blooms for you
My mind wakes for you
I strain myself for you
But I'm not desperate, I promise
Very far from that
I love being alone most of the time.

She's searching for something,
to satisfy her thirst,
to end her desperation,
to end her craziness,
but she doesn't know what.

Shes searching for something,
to make her feel a whole again,
like shes not empty,
like she can jump to the sky with no limitations,
but she doesn't know what

Her heart aches and longs to find out what.
It hurts but she'll fight through this pain,
until she finds what is.
no matter how long it takes, she'll find it.