Hopeless on a Monday
Strange comfort in its despair-
in consistency

I don’t know how to exist
unless I’m unraveling for someone else.
My worth hangs in your comfort
quiet, cruel, conditional.

I make myself small in a sacred way
bite the tongue,
bleed behind the curtain,
so no one sees the cost of your peace,
or your character.

I’m not a person in this.
I’m the silence that makes your voice sound softer.
I’m the bruise you cover
so you can look whole.

I used to think bleeding made me worthy.
That if I burned slow enough,
someone might finally call it love….
But it’s not love.

It’s a quiet execution.

I give, and give,
and they call it devotion,
but no one ever asks why I never stop.

I twist myself into prayers,
crawl into their peace like a grave,
and call it my purpose.
But I’m tired of being a vessel for someone else’s softness.
Tired of being holy only when I am hollow.

They sleep soundly while I splinter,
and I tell myself it means I matter.
But I don’t feel holy.
I feel used.

A flicker of hope
Can light up a room
Or light the abused fuse
Of the next round of doom
Nothing's off limits here,
Seemingly not now,
Though known to many yesteryear
"I don't want to assume,
So what won't it consume?
The people
And nature,
The planet,
The moon?"
It's all going to shiit
It's confusing now
But can't talk about it...
...it's always too soon
So I sit in despair
For death I dare swoon
What I want
And what I want
Threaten to draw at high noon
Center stage of a one man show
Left to dance the art of war alone
Under the light of a pale moon
As both lover and goon
Hoping it'll all be done soon

©2025

Now its doubt
you question
"Will it be alright?"
But someday, you'll know
Always, at the end of the tunnel, there's light.

Now its disbelief
you question
"How, in this way, it turned out in the end?"
But someday, you'll know
The art of letting it sink and blend.

Now its anger
you question
"Why do things often go wrong?"
But someday, you'll know
They were meant to, all along.

Now its dread
you question
"Why do I have to be a coward?"
But someday, you'll know
You were just careful that day onward.

Now its regret
you question
"Why couldn't have I done that one thing?"
But someday, you'll know
How to let go and not cling.

Now its exhaustion
you question
"Why do people have to be so insane?"
But someday, you'll know
All your tries were not in vain.

Now its despair
you question
"Where are all the sunshine rays?"
But someday, you'll know
You were under clouds and yet to come, were days.

Now its agony
you question (this one a lot)
"Why does it have to be this way?"
But someday, I hope, you'll know
Why it had to be that way.