My mind wanders,
As my body longs to stay put,
To sleep,
Load the batteries up

My depression stops by to say hi,
Remind me of everything hard,
Tells me I'm not good enough,
That nothing matters,
Or make sense anyway

As I try to close my eyes,
Forget the pain,
And break through the chain,
I'm chained so hard that I can't get through...

I can't breathe properly,
I can't close my eyes,
I can't relax,
I can't smile

All I can is cry,
Feel hopeless,
Scared,
Worthless,
Alone,
Dead.

"What's the point?" goes on repeat in my head,
I try to make it stop
But it won't shut up,
It won't leave me alone.

It makes me wonder how you know,
How you can,
And why you always want to bring me down.
You come to me in my weakest moment,
When I can't escape,
When there's nowhere to hide,
Noone to hug,
Noone to confide in.

Why do these moments never stop?
Why will it continue in an evergoing everlasting loop?

You tell me there is so much to live for,
As I try to see it,
Try to break free,
The chain holds me captive in my own negativity,
It feeds me just more and more,
Till everything I see, feel and hear is darkness,
Everything I breathe is poison, everything I eat is death and everything I drink is blood.

Only love can save me now,
But then again, what is really love?
What is love? Real love?
How do you know?
"If you know, you know" they say
But is it for everyone?

These are the nights that ****** my being,
The nights that make me lose all hope I ever collected,
The nights that make me lose my will to survive,
The nights that **** me.

I have had better nights and probably will,
If not these nights take over,
Then I don't know if I'll be able to see the light
that awaits in the other end,
Because when all you feel, see, hear is darkness, how can you imagine to feel, see, hear the light?
And how can you be able to wait when your current state is unbearable?

Tonight I just can't sleep,
I can't shut off and dream,
I can just lay awake and feed on misery,
Just one of those nights...
Those nights that are all dark,
not just because the sun is gone,
But hope and all life too.

I need someone to come save me from the darkness.

A thought, off the top o' my head--
't rings aloud like the crack o' thunder,
then 't bangs around, and 'tis no wonder
I'll get no sleep 'til I am dead!

The tremendous ache,
the pounding pain,
an evil, Abel-less, headly Cain,
a godless, disastrous, Earthless quake--
I'd just like some sleep!

"Rise, my body" calls out my brain,
"we've got t' write all o' this down!"--
but yet, still a clamor at my crown.
A pen and pad I 'wake t' grab,
Then my thoughts go down the drain!

Int' the cabinet t' pinch a pill,
I take 't with juice,
relax and loose,
and wait for the pain to finally ****.

Off t' sleep just one more time,
then another thought my mind comes to,
I whisper t' myself "oh, shoo! shoo! shoo!"
but it stays, it stays-- such a tragic crime!
I'd just like some sleep!

“You have a lot of pride,” my sister said,
Like always, she cannot tell what’s missing.
My sister, college-fled and parent-led,
You never saw the discomfort lurking.
I ache for the dawn and pray for the end,
Because it’s times like these where I can’t think.
Solitude taught (with me I can’t contend)
That night waits for me, in darkness I sink.
I’m weak and sorry to those I befriend –
Dear God!  I pray for blissful rest and peace,
And something for my worried heart to mend.
I’d take a quiet mind, even for lease.
                Hush my tense thoughts and please banish my fright,
                I just want to make it all through the night.

There is a fever burning in my brain.
My thoughts awhirl, they fly too fast for me;
Ill-kept madness that I cannot contain,
Locked in mine skull, I keep hearing its pleas.
I can’t sit still, see my mind’s yet in flight,
Scorning earthly tethers it will be free.
In moody hatred and with petty spite,
It will the world condemn with fire and glee.
No regrets – Bring them, I will fight them all.
I don’t have an explanation for this,
My hate, once free, rises like bitter gall.
Laughter cries in the crannies of this bliss.
          For morning’s tender kiss my madness begs
          With sleep to scrape aside the addled dregs.

Body exhausted
          Eyes
Falling asleep
           Going
60mph in the
          Rain.

Body exhausted
          mind
Falling behind
          little details        
          lost in time.

Floating
            Floating
                        Floa­ting.

© Jo Tomso

I was the type of person
Who held onto things too tight,
Unable to release my grip,
When it no longer felt right.

And, although it gave me blisters,
And my fingers would all ache,
I always thought that holding on
Was worth the pain it takes.

I used to think in loosing things
I'd lose a part of me, too,
That slowly I'd become someone
My heart no longer knew.

Then one day something happened,
I dropped everything I once held dear.
But my soul became much lighter,
Instead of filled with fear.

And it taught my heart that somethings
Aren't meant to last long,
They arrive to teach you lessons
And they continue on.

I didn't have to cling to people
Who no longer made me smile,
Or do something I've come to hate,
If it isn't worth my while.

But you were my light,
And the hunt you make
Hurts in the moment
And takes away my breath.

That sometimes the thing you're fighting for
Isn't worth the cost
And everything I ever loved,
Was bound to be a loss.

But that's what addiction does
To crave, to ****
To **** out our souls,
To increase enmity between hearts and woes.

A time traveler's going in opposite directions.
Sometimes for the future, sometimes for the past.

Desperately trying to find a way to stop.
To live normal, as everyone should.

To go through-out life chronologically.
To see each moment as it is.
Not what could be or should've been.

To realize no matter what you do in every second,
you are you.

Humans as a self-identifying and somewhat egotistical species are especially bad at this.

We think in terms of "im this, im that, i can correlate to these people"
and sometimes we're right.

But a lot of the times a much simpler answer is needed.

"I am me.
I am not you,
I am not a thought,
I am not a theme nor a palette.

I only exist within this moment."

The Body rejects it
And The Brain reflects it