Have you ever physically felt a heartbreak?
Have you ever drowned in your own tears?
Have you ever cried so hard your head feels like it's going to explode?
Have you ever wanted to die so your forget the memories?
Have you ever loved so strongly and cared so deeply, that when it's gone, you feel an immense amount of pain?
Have you ever wanted to be loved and wanted?
Have you ever taken pill after pill hoping you might not come down?
Have you tried to silence your pain?
Have you tried to silence your mind?
Have you ever woken up and just said I'm done?
Have you ever?

It ***** being me you know? Being sprung doing everything humanly possible to put a smile on your face looking at my phone every 5 seconds thinking you finally responded but never have? Waiting and waiting five minutes then ten twenty an hour.. you try not to think for the worst but when it keeps happening you just get nervous.. your heart starts to act up.. and your doubt takes control of this train going deep into a wild rollercoaster.. you try to past the time but you still check if she finally responded but still nothing back.. you see that she finally sees the message but never replies.. waiting.. give minitues.. ten.. twenty.. and hour.. nothing.. and you sink deep into a depression. Looking waiting for a a miracle to happen but never comes. And now you lay down on your soaked pillow just barely holding on having that little spark of hope but .. as the night goes by.. so does your belief.

Soy paranoia, soy demencia, soy alucinación.
Ando en medio de la oscuridad atormentada por mi mente.
Atormentada por esta triste depresión sin salida. Atormentada por el dolor.
No encuentro una luz, mi luz. No encuentro la paz, no encuentro mis píldoras.
No encuentro poesía. Necesito calmarme.
La noche anterior soñé que me intentaba quitar la vida. Sentí cómo mi respiración se ralentizaba, debo admitir que sentí alivio de acércame a la muerte. Anhelaba ese reposo sin embargo  el pánico empezó a hacer su papel y decidí detener el acto.
Soy un fantasma de carne y hueso, soy sombra, soy noche. Noche sin luna y sin estrellas.
Desperté. Sentí el vacío, pero quiero estar llena de felicidad. Temo naufragar, no quiero dar vueltas, me convierto en sombra, mis pensamientos se vuelven cada vez más grandes, más delirantes.

Alta de ojos verdes, como la luz de las luciérnagas.
Ella era como la luna.
Algunos días estaba llena de vida,
Otros desaparecía.

Consumida por el tiempo,
Ahogada en agonía.
Encerrada en cuatro paredes
Sin amor.

Así se veía ella.
Silenciosa e ignorada.
Insuficiente y horrible.
Sin ganas de vivir

Tierna niña de melena rubia
¿Por qué no puedes ver lo que yo veo?
¿Por qué no te quedas esta noche a charlar?
¿Por qué no vives un poco

Te entrego mis ojos, mírate como yo te veo.
Inmensa y maravillosa.
Más que un simple desastre,

Más que un cuerpo viviente.

No puedo escribir ya, me he perdido en el viento.

“My brain hums with scraps of poetry and madness.”
– Virginia Woolf, Selected Letters

Reading Virginia,
as if I understand her morals.
“Do not,” She has written.

Analyzing Woolf,
“One cannot think well,” she says.
my tongue is dry of new air, to “…love well…”

“…sleep well…” – Nightmares mostly,
leftover sleep and a dew of overdue promises
evaporating off my lips,  purging with blood.

She ended, “…if one has not dined well.”
I began: “Do Not Speak to me about Hunger;
Speak to me about War.”

Here I stay: barefooted in between
airport tile floors –  they tell me,
Gritting my teeth to the dreams,
forbidden desire and will to shining silver linings.

The cruelty, unrivaled, taking parts of a dream,
leaving most to die, but she’s hungry,
they told her the war’s over, but she won’t heel,
filling a God-sized with infused useless poetry madness.

- Emilyn Nguyen