Being in denial is like running towards a sunset.
You’re trying to make the day never end.
You run away from the ever-present, slowly growing darkness.
You cling onto that little shred of light you can still see,
refusing to look behind you at the black abyss that is the truth.
You chase after the sun even after it’s gone.
When you finally realize what you’re doing and you look around,
you don’t even know where you are anymore.
You’re lost, and the one thing you thought you had isn’t there anymore.
That night will be the worst of your life,
but if you can get through it,
the sun will come back.
It’ll be somewhere else than before.
There will be new clouds and a new sky,
but it’ll still be good.
The light will come back and you’ll look around and see that this place really isn’t as bad as you thought it was.
It’s different than before.
It’s not your old sun and home,
but it’s still good.
You’re old sun left,
but your life is still there.

The goddess wakes,
with purple nails and brittle scales.
She stands,
Knobbly knees like hairy trees outstretched against their seams.
Her steps veer,
Joint’s scream while needs poison her bloodstream.
Her reflection gleams,
There’s something vile about her denial.
She sees,
through a screen but the fog won’t clear.
Blind to her sunken cheeks and pale lips,
to the knives jutting from her back,
that leave bruises like inkblot fiends.
She doesn’t mind,
The constant shakes and extreme regimes.
She smiles,
Don’t worry it’s just a lifestyle.

Vertical, horizontal,
Pen that escapes my mind,
Bring back bones that I meant to burn,
Bring back the energy that kept me alive,
Where will they go from me.

Alternative thoughts mold into a voice,
Chasms call for a parents help,
When all they ever do is deny,
Their kid needs to be perfect and perfect they'll be,
If the time changes and your brain shifts them slowly.

If purpose if all I look for is my mind really trying to find it?
It's hard to think that when the water is black when it's supposed to be blue,
I promised that I'd be happier, that I'd live for them,
But I can't when I'm trying to figure myself and my own voice out,
Easy to call me selfish cause It's all you can really see,
Then take a look into my poison cups and see,
What I've been introspecting and inspecting inside of my head.

Alternative thoughts mold into a voice,
Chasms call for a parents help,
When all they ever do is deny,
Their kid needs to be perfect and perfect they'll be,
If the time changes and your brain shifts them slowly.

Time
a compulsory conveyor belt
dragging me towards the inevitable
i postpone acknowledgment
i sedate certain thoughts with diversion
but upon approaching collision
recognition infects my mind  
anxiety mounts
i squirm, i struggle
i throw myself back in opposition
all pointless
i brace for impact.

It's late at night and I want to sleep but my mind keeps me dreaming. It makes me sick but it keeps my heart beating. No matter where I run, I end up back to you. You've reconstructed everything and now, I can sense the changes in my body even other people noticed too.

I am baffled by you. Perplexed by how you could pass through my walls without tearing them down. You've created a shadow of probability and I know I have no chance.  I could leave with the truth but I want you to keep me in this trance.

I want you to keep me in this small world I fabricated for us. Where no one can change anything not even the arrangement of dust. Keep this in the dark, keep it away from everyone else. I beg for you to keep me here but...

These emotions are overwhelming and I'm being devoured. I don't want them anymore. I'm confuse. I don't know what I want. I've tasted the sweetness of my temptation and I'm eager for more but I get a plate of actuality, something I didn't ask for.

Or did I?

I don't remember. I hear the sounds of rain outside our bubble.
The rain makes me think about the hows of us.
How it could feel holding your hand.
How we could be...
How we stay...
****.