You sat there
Wearing all black
In the dark
Where your soul
Could disappear
There is no light around you
The one I thought
I saw
When I saw your eyes
The light  has left
And left a black hole
Whenever I look into them
I cannot find the hope

Grey smoke all around you
The cigarette
Between your lips
You take a deep breath
inhaling all the nicotine
As you look at the sky
And let out a sigh
As you belittle my love
As you wish
For the hundredth time
Tell me
Is that your happy place
Where you lie
All alone?

I tried to hold your hand
Pull you out
Even if it took my soul out
You did hold my hand
Just to pull me in
And leave me there
For all the other hands around

As they surround you
Do you feel peace
Or the suffocation is finally getting
To your evil mind
How does it feel
Not to have a hand that will love you

I'm falling down
You watch me from there
I have a throbbing pain
In my heart
From your lies and betrayal
As my eyes
Meet you lifeless ones

Why do I see a demon

Or were you always
The demon?

i drowned once and to this day i still struggle to come up for air.

Picture frame on a shelf,
Dreaming the baby I never got to hold,
In my arms, I wake holding self,
Each time taken leaves me cold,

The dream ends the same,
The black eyed demon takes her away,
Tears the goal in it’s twisted game,
Pleading to let her stay,

Laughing, holding her like a doll,
Rattling her at me,
Only groveling makes it stall,
Seconds added, more pathetic the plea,

Awakened in shuttered breath,
Flashes of running with her,
Her memory living an undying death,
Gone when I wake, usually all a blur,

Feeling guilt for trying to move on,
I didn’t give her support,
Didn’t notice love til she was gone,
I never gave her comfort,

Excuse of military doesn’t cajole,
A seed of guilt was sown,
Sprouting into a hole,
Emptiness I hone,

This nights dream was clear,
Vivid as day,
Demon drags me drowning in pit of beer,
Where the demon likes to play,

Submerged, I grip my child,
Feeling strings attached to her back,
Demons laughter running wild,
Swimming up, under attack,

Clawing onto shore,
I can’t cut the strings,
Details lost before,
I turn her over examining the things,

I pulled at one,
I hear a coo...
Arms flailed a ton.
When I pulled two,

She was cold,
Light in her eyes were out,
Truth began to unfold,
What the whole dream was a about,

Demon is of my own making,
Not my baby in its hand,
It is its hand, makeup flaking,
Beginning to understand,

Gestated by that hole of guilt,
Abomination of self blame and woe,
An altar of pain is what I built,
A demon catching my in the undertow,

I wasn’t there, I won’t pretend,
I blamed myself for her end,
Ridding this demon felt like killing her again,
Memory of the call crying for godsend,

In tears I begin to walk,
To starve it of my pain,
The demons cries echo and stalk,
Tearing down altar, the stain,

Burying double edged sword of abandon,
Just taking the lesson to learn,
Only way to fill the land in,
Away my head I turn,

Straying from my numbing revel,
To walk and let go,
Self made campaign, long and slow,
Dissecting a demon from my mental devil,

I’ll never forget you,
I can’t change that your gone,
Letting go, this will be new,
I think I’m ready to move on,

So true healing can begin,
More demons, quest after quest,
Seeking the light within,
To find peace and maybe find rest,

Sometimes I feel like a demon is possessing me;
The shivers coursing through my body;
My nerves feel like collapsing - they can't support the weight;
Using my body as a vessel - the demon lowers in;
After the cold shakes - I feel like I'm burning;
I can't do anything;
My mind is skewed;
My hand moves forward - out of my control;
It reaches towards a kitchen knife - latching on like its life is on the line;
Guides the knife to my wrist - I can't stop it;
It sinks in with all it's might;
My coal black eyes roll back in delight;
I feel the liquid trickle down in an odd euphoric way;
The demon is proud of the painting it made - done with its job;
He leaves my body scarred;
I look back in disgust and wish he never came;

you,
with your words dripping with honey.

you,
with your eyes like daggers and ice.

you,
with the way you make me want to
burn &
burn &
burn.

you
are the reason
demons &
angels
are so often confused.

My minds in the gutter surrounded by clutter of that which I throw away, each night it returns and still my heart yearns for sleep that wont keep me awake.

I am a nothing nothing nothing person
Nothing here to see
I am a nothing failing bailing person
Clinging to a dream.
I am a nothing nowhere no good one
A one who dries out eyes
I am a nothing but a husk person
Who can’t fight the dark demise.
A Dark Crystal demon look alike
It’s true, I’m not dead yet
I look my nothing in the face
And question it’s true taste
For if blood was what it wanted
Then blood it would’ve had,
But my nowhere eyes are missing spite
And deep down nothing me is glad.
A demon eyed me is nothing new
But here, I find a light,
If a nothing me was fighting so
Why can’t I feel the bite?
Give up then! I always do
A nothing keeps its name.
Look my nothing in the face
And play this telltale game.