Bugs are crawling all over my hands; yet they're the kind only I can feel and see -
the germs I visualise as cockroaches covering everything around me.
A 3rd change of clothes in 5 hours to protect myself against their power to bring me harm,
my umpteenth hand wash trying to get rid of them; my brain turbulent with alarm.

My head is noisy; full of chaotic sadness and voices,
peculiar images and blurry characters are all I can see - not by choice.
I cannot sleep or think let alone live,
waiting for The End; I went mad with the battle so determinative.

Sitting on the shower floor
with the water raining down on me more and more.
A map of water induced wrinkles trace my skin as if by disguise,
with a river I cannot stop running from my eyes;
intoxicated with madness, these voices I need to **** -
so with a bottle of ***** I wash down a pretty little pill.

Tonight I lay with just my teddy to hold dear; loneliness creeping in - no doubt,
feeling like a child who just wants to be loved and cared about,
wishing to be protected from the monsters inside my head
as I bury myself under my covers and cry myself to sleep in bed.

Flashes of red in my eyes,
Burning away images of the night
I thought I would have, and I feel
Myself suffocating, lying amongst half
A throng of people, victims, as the rest
Run around in panic, of smoke and chaos.

Stood on a scaffold,
Maniac laughter ringing in my ears
A man awaiting his executioner
With a glint of pride in his voice
Death, a trophy for his accomplishments
Something is weighing me down
The thought of seeing the light
Leave from someone's eyes, no,
My hand on the trigger I hold losely,
Thinking to myself, should I pull it?

An island somewhere
The only place with delicacy so rare
Found only by luck, Most would consider me stuck
But I'm living joyously in my delusional haze
No longer counting days
Since I lost ten through twenty
There is happiness in my veins
Believe, I have plenty.
The hunger is perfectly numb
What shall I dine on next
Perhaps a thumb.

No matter how loud I dream,
I might still be drowning deep

Into the silver your delusional eyes scream
And Into the rain the sky weeps

You kept my dream protected within your fist,
the secret dream that I built from dust.

I gave you all of me over and over,
And I kept sinking lower and lower.

I sank into the realization that it's real,
I was torn and It was so hard to believe

And through the mist,
You promised, We'll rise again

And told me that you'll keep your promises
And won't just run away like others did

But still your gone and I can't find you.
I search the sky and my gaze lands on the same star.

I die again and again wondering if that's where you live,
But an illusion of your smile is all you ever give.

My soul is riven with cracks so deep and I think,
maybe someday they'll break through the surface of my skin.

Honey, please come back to me again,
Please don't let another wish go in vain

                                                               -MAY

When the moon
And sun connect
I sit and wonder
Where you are now
Pondering on what you could be doing
Hating that you
Are not with me basking
In the sunlight
Do others not know
That you are my everything
You are my daylight
You are my sunshine
But what am I doing
Professing this unadulterated
Love
When you only know
My name
Only know
How I look
Only know that
I am the source of your
Disgust

No matter how loud I dream,
I might still be drowning deep

Into the silver your delusional eyes scream
And Into the rain the sky weeps

You kept my dream protected within your fist,
the secret dream that I built from dust.

I gave you all of me over and over,
And I kept sinking lower and lower.

I sank into the realization that it's real,
I was torn and It was so hard to believe

And through the mist,
You promised, We'll rise again

And told me that you'll keep your promises
And won't just run away like others did

But still your gone and I can't find you.
I search the sky and my gaze lands on the same star.

I die again and again wondering if that's where you live,
But an illusion of your smile is all you ever give.

My soul is riven with cracks so deep and I think,
maybe someday they'll break through the surface of my skin.

Honey, please come back to me again,
Please don't let another wish go in vain

They're eating me alive
It's eating me
It's driving me crazy
It's 5:30 in the morning
I haven't slept
It's killing me
I don't think I might be able to overcome it
But I'm not brave enough
To pull the trigger

when insomnia strikes, I try to hide
it shows streams of restraint that need hiding...

it. I.  me. do. The. Beginning.

I don't think I really know.
I just wanted to be left
alone.

do it for the cause.
do it for those who can't
make it look effortless
and do it without a pause.
it can't be done overnight

but remember that you have to go through this week without being right.

Forcing rhyme won't help you this time... oh well, here it is...

can't say I didn't try...

It is difficult to heave through lungs that are heavy and being held down by the words I can never find the courage to speak to you. I want so badly to scream out my burdens that you never cared to hear. You avoided them, causing my hands to shake and head to pound. I was weak compared to the control you had over me. When I spoke out to you, I was immediately filled with regret. Throat burning like I'd just downed six shots of *****, wishing I actually had instead of saying what would never matter to you, or even cross your mind even once when you left me. You were so good at lying and making me feel as though I was delusional, seeing things that never occurred. But now I know that you were a liar and I was just vulnerable. Now I realize that I don't need your so called "love". I don't need your lies to feel good, I only need myself and that's good enough for me.