I didn't want to sleep when I'm next to you
I couldn't dare to close my eyes
Fearing I might have to sleep away my occurring living action dream
I was afraid, I might have to not see you ever again
Like a dream
It might perish

So I stayed awake
Had a closer look at your features
Tender soft looking expression
Squishy sleepy babyface
Lips that I wanted to kiss more
But I hesitated
I didn't want to wake you up

I felt peace for awhile during that day
Your presence brought peace into my personal territory and it felt nice

I touched your face
Poked your nose
Felt your beards with my fingertips
They went rushing to your chest
Your heart was beating fast
I wished the moment lasted longer

I wasn't sure
If I was dreaming
Or daydreaming
Or going all delusional from my madness
But I loved it, every single second
And I wish it could happen again

But then
I woke up again the next day
Feeling
unhappy
Empty
You weren't next to me
08052021

Written on 17th May 2021
Potatoes Sama 💖

Echoes of that lying indulgence
for the ideal world left out in the open;
calls to you.

And due to the loneliest somber room
you've kept yourself as a prisoner,
all you do is try and grip the walls

Forever looking into the lens
with a filter of that serene land in your head,
a dream that you continue...
to live through.

Sensing a presence in my bed
I plead that this is all in my head

My gut wrenches. Heart
sinks
once my eyes fix upon you I dare not blink

Cold, numbness proceeding
I could never prepare for this feeling

You cannot meet my eyes
now they aren’t closed in sleep.

Mirrors to a soul you violated
You ******* creep

I can’t reject modernity but I also can’t reject tradition - I embrace them both
I listen to psychedelic pop classic jazz nocturne and 90’s rock
I listen to Fiona apple and then to aphex twin
and then to old polish rap  so I can feel like that post soviet building I cross every morning
I am rage I am unstoppable
But you would never get it - because your not a pseudo intellectual 16 year old girl
I am both the best and the worst version of myself

Everyones the protagonist
to their deceptive movie life
made-up delusional illusions
to distract us from the strife.
Delude ourselves into
the minds- 'Hollywood'
hallucinating surrealism
numb & evasive to reality
& the creeping white noise of realism.
We lose track of fleeting memories
as we chase feign & shallow visions,
end up reviling our true form
& make some of the worst decisions.
Are we humour to the gods?
& ideals to the slaves of hell
Are you living in your minds- 'Hollywood'-
       Or are you living your reality well?

✨WAR OF HEARTS

At chasm,
Far deep abyss of despair,
Soaked gloomy atmosphere,
In a vague sparkle,
Arrested were my eyes to see,
My numb feelings jolted,
Salvation without sanatory,
I felt a new being resurrect,
Couldn't hold my feelings anymore,
Submissive,
I wasn't in control.

I was flummoxed,
Something I couldn't explain in fistful words,
Something hadn't felt for long,
Something my heart had long lost tune to,
Nearer I drew stuck,
Pootled in with mixed feelings.

With a gaze of his eyes,
I saw him,
Charismatic inclination,
I could no longer fight my thoughts,
A nightmare all was like alike,
A place of no return in flames,
In his world, I buried my thoughts,
In an ocean of love, lost I was.

Love at first sight the moment,
but wished to be a forever sight,
For in the stars in his eyes,
Was the forever in my heart,

My eyes craved his to see,
My heart wished to rewrite what I thought was lost,
My mind desired to rescript new memories,
To see the beauty in his soul,
Stretching out deep into him,
Dancing in our love,

In his cologne,
He became my body best scent,
Everyday, wishing he'd touch me more and more,
Dining in the thoughts of,
the grab that  I would give him when he is digging deep into me to satisfaction,

An overdose of him I took,
An obsession in my addiction,
That derived me numb,

He was the star that shone among the moons,
A star that had come to recollect my heart's broken pieces together,
To recolor my planet with colors of hope,
To refill it with diamonds where nothing fitted in,

But, the more I fell for him,
the more we drifted apart,
The more it hit me,
we were of two different World's,
Flowing in a whirl of perplexed events,

War of hearts, 
Clashes of cerebrations,
Fight between reality and delusion,
Conflict between heart's feelings and mind's instincts.

Reflection of his face,
Oceans and skies,
Space between fate and destiny,
Fantastical design,
Delusional exception,
Deception world of thoughts,
Dinning imagination,
Mental pictures,
confined behind my desires and wishes.

#brokensouls

©tiana..❣ ft. Abdu_l💎

The gurgle of the coffee maker,
The clink of your spoon on the frigid counter,
The sizzle of bacon residue in a frying pan,

and an egg cracking over it.

The murmurs of the news reporters on the tv,
The distant roar of a train in the background,
The dive into sensory pleasure,

while reality dissipates.

The smell of hazelnut creamer and cinnamon,
The taste of a waffle with buttery syrup,
The warm sun on your face through the window,

today is good; today will be different.

The giggles of the waffles and coffee,
The light conversation and hard laughter,
The feeling of home... within them,

a sudden shift in atmosphere.

The sharp loss of appetite
The grieving of what wasn’t lost
The shared remorse for nothing you’ve done

they tell you that you’re pathetic.

The despair in your mug dropping into the table
The swallowed tears and screams
The chaos that covers every square inch of you

distance between you and hope still stands.

The ***** kitchen and your empty stomach
The distressing moonlight that creeps in the window
The anger in thinking you’re liberated this time

sounds of an empty home stir.

The cold seats that have accompanied nobody
The wallowing roar of silence
The jacket of despair that wears you

your average day.

Blue-eyed delusion;
living in the past.
I guess sanity doesn't
last forever.
Maybe she never
had it at all
I need a woman that
treats me right,
and knows how to love,
not a monster that rages
in the night.
The railroad tracks
know the truth;
so do those harsh Iowa winters.
And talking about a god
doesn't change it.