perfumed delusion, unruly exclusion
time bombs ticking and toking
vibrant illusions, visual pollution
cutting all the ribbons and strings
you tried to tie me up in, you tried to rub the salt in
to my many many wounds
I felt so lonely in crowded rooms
crowded stadiums, your eyes never met me once
I was too nervous to confront your fronts
shy away from topics that we needed to discuss
performing necromancy trying to keep this dead love up
checking the pulse, it's so gone now
we are both adults, you remain disavowed

If you're always
Telling yourself
How lucky you are

It's probably because
You're too afraid
To ask yourself
How happy
You are

call me your imaginary
lover, miss pretend,
your concentrated fantasy,
a night that never ends,
the prettiest delusion
your mind ever made believe,
a pocket full of pixie dust,
your self-prescribed reprieve,
the sandman tried to warn you
not to get lost in a dream,
you took your wishful thoughts
and said, “they look real to me,”
your mind could only conceive
what it thought could never be,
felt better to be trapped there
than lost in reality,

under a pretend sky
in a myth you made believe,
it’s just imaginary you
and imaginary me.

She thinks all she ever stole from me
were a few shirts and some pens.
She thinks all she ever got from me
were objects and bitter words.
Little does she know how much more
she took and could've taken if she had stayed.

someday i’ll be too busy to notice the vampires
the sun wakes me up and i know who i am
maybe the chaos will always be there but
i’ll find a way to break it down into mulch and grow
pears and herbs and gardenias from what’s left of me
it takes a while to accept that the shadows matter
and i can’t pretend to know the watermelon lollipop
without the tongue that exists only to melt it away
to turn it into nothing until all that’s left is a paper stick
it might feel like freedom now but it can’t forever
i’ll pull down the curtains and never snooze an alarm again
the worst thing i can think of is writing the same poem
each day for the rest of my life and everyone knowing it
but me

I'm sorry for nightmares
buried so deep
I screamed in your face
for what you did in my sleep

for the way that I promised
and failed to awake
while my sleepwalking heart
found problems to make

for leaving you lonely
in the world that is real
while I slipped off the edge
into deep dark surreal

for how I'm still sleeping
and have failed to escape
the mirages of monsters
when love is at stake

I wish I could keep you,
confirm you're enough,
but these nightmares within
won't let me wake up

the birds are flying backwards
(you and I are still together)
the fish swim on land
(you unpack your bags)
the attic is below ground
(you walk into my room)
the sky is red
(you tell me you always loved me)
the grass is gray
(you tell me you still do)