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Mamaw said there’s no one like family
She said just live and let live
Mamaw said you can’t be who you are not
She said just give it all you got

Papa said that a train goes over the mountain
He said the stars ain’t made for counting
Papa said you got to know what burns inside of you
He said you got to know what makes your sky blue

I’ve seen life and the stars burning bright
I’ve seen the cold of a dark and lonely night
I’ve held a memory until I was fast asleep
I’ve said a prayer; hope my soul to keep

Mamaw said there was life in the ever after
She said this life should be full of laughter
Mamaw said hard times make you stronger
She said be tough; you’ll live a little longer

Papa said you cannot be forsaken
He said your dreams are for the taking
Papa said you got to give everything your all
He said you got to listen to hear the call

I’ve seen troubles and dreams so hard to reach
I’ve seen the lessons a hard life can teach
I’ve seen the faith, the glory and the power
I will see it again in my moments of the final hour

The light glimmers,                                    
on top of my chest.                                          
I felt its rays
touches my heart flesh
right to my bone.

The pain radiates
all over my body.
It reaches the memory,
the day
you leave me.                                                              ­­        

It was autumn,
i remember.                                    
Leaves on this tree is falling,    
Just like how i shed my tears,                    
Begging you to stay,                                

I thought maybe
you’d comeback,
Just like how each trunks
grow new leaves.

So I promised to                                                
Keep on waiting,                                            
until i lost
Every bits
of what i have                                                
that keeps me of staying.                        

Until i
shed my own flesh                                      
and drain my blood,
Leaving me only
with bone and memory.

You never came
and thats where I knew
You'll never will

But its too late for me
Im decaying
of agony.

We become soil and ash
We all do, decompose in the east
If my knees can’t carry me up the hills
If the millipedes can’t have a feast

Tap, pause; tap, pause; tap, pause.
A lonely sound which echoes round an ancient hall.
And to its beat In single file emerge a King, as well the Princess Royal,
My lords of York and then of Sussex; peers of the realm, all duty bound
To take their places, which by ceremoniously doing thus evinces
Such enduring continuity when its viewed - that vigil of the princes.

The Royal Standard drapes the coffin
There in which the late Queen lies
Lions, rampart, passant guardant,
And the harp of Ireland, blue;
Scarlet, yellow, such bright colours;
Jewelled the crown which sits there too.

And in the coffin ‘neath that glory
Lies our Queen now stiff, now cold.
Three score years and ten her story,
Three score years and ten which queue
From Southwark Park to Lambeth Bridge,
Just once more their Queen to view.

Just once more their Queen to view,
Patient, waiting through the night.
All walks of life to whisper through
This hall built by the Conqueror’s son.
Mute might it stand yet shout so loud
Of Britain’s past and of its history proud.

Tap, pause; tap, pause; tap, pause.
A lonely sound which echoes round the ancient hall.
And to its beat In single file emerge a King, as well the Princess Royal,
My lords of York and then of Sussex; peers of the realm, all duty bound
To take their places, which by ceremoniously doing thus evinces
That enduring continuity when its viewed - the vigil of the princes.

Amidst the unsettling crowd of animals,
I still feel alone, even if you're sitting by me.
There is no cure for my loneliness.

The feeling is similar to what great poets must've felt—
that forced them to ascend from this land,
by escaping through a beautiful route called death.

It is a path with many pitfalls,
but I feel at home, drifting off into the emptiness.

It doesn't feel unlike the feeling of loss—
it comes with a sense of finality
that I have experienced before,
in some vague memory of the past.

Now, I'm floating offshore,
taking my final breath.

I sank into the familiar couch — tense, prepared
for chastisement. I was met with warmth, a calm
reassurance that the events that had transpired

all served a greater purpose. A necessary unraveling.
Arriving at the end of myself at last. Could I salvage
a sense of normalcy? Did I want to? Things had shattered

beyond repair. What was I meant to hold onto? Discard?
Regeneration seemed an unattainable summit not meant for me.
As if reading my mind, my therapist spoke, his words of truth

stirring my spirit in a way my mind could not fathom.
When you experience that fear, go back to that place of surrender.
No more and no less. In silence, we sat in that dim sanctuary

for some time, the drone of the cars outside a sharp reminder
that I was still alive. I had people on my side who did not turn
their eyes away from my fragmented state of being. I spoke now

of the gradient colors of maples across the street. A brilliant hue.
My tone was flat, but it was still an observation made
with intact faculties.. Yes, that’s it. Keep that awareness. My therapist
nodded his encouragement. This is good. You’re able to focus, to recognize
beauty in the mundane. Keep going. Somehow, this simple statement
imbued me with the resolve to continue. My voice wavered

as I recalled how I saw my entire life flash before my eyes  
like a cruel cliché. How I was swept up into some
parallel dimension. One that was so much more real than this

world I’d been immersed in. You need to write it all down. At this point,
you may not be able to differentiate which parts truly happened and which parts
were illusions. So you’ll need to capture it all. His words rang true, and yet —

how could I bring myself to experience this once more,
to solidify what had happened to me and what I was still
moving through? Something in me knew that he was connecting it

all back to something much bigger than either of us. Something
or Someone present through it all. A silent witness who held the only
key that would set me free. The Truth that still waited patiently for me.

How can I have loans to pay,
when i can't even find a way,
to keep my guts from spilling out?

How can I save each bug,
So many small holes dug,
Where do I get little gravestones?

what better day than today--

I can't sleep and I can't
stand the daisy bushes at dusk with their
orange glaring eyes glaring
at my fingers turned robot joints back when
they used to--

feel differently
and I

swear I
haven't changed so much and to
prove it I'm trying to dig the eternity out of
algae green and deep walnut irises stranger
and stranger with spoon shovels made of
shallow questions and polite interest without
getting so bored or
wishing I was--

what better day than today to die

I've tied the limbs of my
spirits and monsters alike into knots and
dizzied them in labyrinths of my own muddied judgment
paved with crushed clocks and compass needles and
they are all so far gone, I am
untethered--

even far from my dear music and poetry--

my soul is already split like colored mosaic glass, each of
a thousand fragments not just belonging but
borne out of some piece of art that will long outlive me, so
anyone that minded could
easily piece me back together in death

how I wish that death were the end,
the end, and not a passing over into
some other unknown rumored to outlast everything,
what more terrifying than that and if
I believed there were a true end I might have sought it
much sooner--

what is left for me to do but
papier-mache my body with my old poetry like a
sarcophagus absorbing the things I
trusted to hold me so much closer