Here, I’m still waiting on the rising,
But again, I go fading out of sight.
I guess, to you, it must be surprising,
How I was gone before sparks ignite.

Blowing- free flowing- in your direction,
Cut short by a sudden change in wind,
Gusts trade vision with my projection.
Reversing in confusion- now I rescind.

For it’s you who holds my attention,
But by a selfish means of protection,
Had me leaving before a storm began.
I can see I was creating a rejection
But there really wasn’t even a plan.
My patterns of impulse and projection
Regrettably have led to your doubt,
And damage to a wholesome connection.
I admit- I reeled you in, I spit you out.

But I didn’t mean to be deceiving-
I’m just a little abandoned and abused
Was never good with people leaving,
Sorry I left you bruised and confused.

i think it’s ‘cause
i’ve never had
a boy to call my own
no whispered names, no midnight texts
no ache i’ve ever known
maybe that’s why i can’t quite grasp
why beautiful girls stay
my little sister and dearest friends
when what they call “love”
turns dull and gray
he speaks in thorns
not petals soft
and yet they hold on tight.
is it fear of being all alone
or hope that he’ll make it right?
and here i am
untouched by blinding love
can only stand and see
how strange it is to love someone
when they bring you only harm.

Life of a sincere, limerick?
On the fare and done, duty?
Asking in certain hushes, is to wait, sick?
Tolls of an evening bell, with sunshine's lucre...

Has met a new friend...
Toward integrity, we keep a shrewd liberty
To know one and another, the best possible amends
That come to fruition like a walk and a stare, with curiosity?

Dread is a cold should's soldier, with a family to feed...
Found in a future hug, a witness to the honor; we pray...?
Persuasion in a tale spin, to linger and say, I thought taken heed...
True to one's roots, if not routes of composure, to ask all of any?

Seldom has said hello
Seldom has a savior's lip, for may and decency
Seldom has a sharing voice, that lets life bellow
Seldom has said goodbye, but when you step forward, it is beauty

Seldom is your, spy, whatever...?
Water and mercy for youth, is nothing but climbing
Cares to see the end of them, is a quieter house lover...
With timid moments to share, a promise on fire with minding...?

I could pretend I’ve got it together,
Feign ignorance,
Fake confidence.
I could lie and say im fine with it,
Choke on trickery,
Cheat each bit of me.
But the truth of it is simple,
I fell in love and you fell backwards.
I’m moving slowly and you are
Moving on.
I went off the rails and you just
Went home.

It's a feeling that I can never
put my finger on,
to seize its power with a name.
It's that slight rhythmic delay
in conversations on the phone,
the footfall of our voices
constantly just out of step.
Moments that are almost inconsequential,
but I keep picking at them
in my mind
like the loose skin of a hangnail.
Thumbing at the thoughts
in a way you tell yourself is harmless.
Just a bit more...
Only in an instant, it's all irrevocably undone.
It's that bitter stone of doubt in your chest
when there's a full stop instead of an "x".
You can't help circling back
to that seed planted in your mind
earlier than you can ever remember,
that it's you - fundamentally,
objectively, intrinsically.
Against your own better judgement,
it's so easy to sink into the ruminations
of inadequacy and psychological self-flagellation.
How many more times must you feel this way?
It's so familiar that you can almost detach.
That every time you feel that sparkle of
human connection, of being wanted for a moment,
it's already waiting for you.
You already know it's inevitable.

Modern love
Plays out  
All over Facebook
And the social feeds
Not quite Shakespeare
It’s more Love Island themed
It started with a kiss
And ended with disease
True romance
Cozy nights in
A three course meal
Just for you
By him
Catching feels
***** flutters
Where digital love begins

Smitten kittens
Tagging each other
In the latest memes
A selfie before
The cinema screen
Holiday snaps
“A pic of my man
I love how he naps x”
Status updates
Painted on the wall
From single
To a relationship
In no time at all

Not quite Notting Hill
Just another IG Story
Eastenders drama
Is social media glory
Posting again
At 3 in the morning
The lies and deceit
Not so discreet
Posting the screenshots
And read receipts
“U ok ***
Wot happened
Babe DM me **”

Love to air your ***** laundry  
And filthy sheets
Content’s like clockwork
When a new lover’s
On the scene
Breaking up in style
Part of the routine
For an audience
That can’t help but stare
I’m obsessed
When a post is shared
No need for the town square
We’re all living
Vicariously through
You and your private affairs

It's never been like this before.
Not as far as I can remember.
Your words, your mind, your voice, your smile...
Familiarity, down to strange details.

The way I feel I can read your mind as you debate an approach.
The way you likely notice me, pretending to not notice you.
Yet we both avoid meeting a gaze as the distance closes...

Smile, greeting, small talk, laughter...

...Touch....

And time stops - if for at least a second.

...Breathe, smile, banter...
A few seconds of silence and I've tripped on the tension.

Quick diversion. depart.

Mightier deity's
In my heart, a bough of sensation
With the moment, to explore reality's
Frugal lips drawn to the season of change...

Earning an angel's grace?
A knowing God has a word
With your deeds forth, a dubious space
Seldom was a kiss, with spirits in the heard...

Ears with soldiers in mind
Gifts and gaiety, all in anxiety's row
Run pretty prayers, for a further kind
Sounds of justice, come with a petty *****

Must, a meager shape meander through?
When the dole of me...
Came to a decision, for rancor more
So seldom, a reach for anger is anarchy...

Quiet, little wonder
Sharing might, with a total for love
In my means and measure...
I have answered your prophecy, with a question of us

One-two, ******'s you knew'd...
Three-four, hopin' the stranger world...
Five-six, passion is clearly, not a sick and lewd...
Seven-eight, the rest of that is up to you, and your...