I miss slow dancing
awkwardly in musky
jr high gymnasiums
with lame hair cuts, and shoddier shoes
from payless

but in the dark
limitless future
when hands trembled at hips
and lips quivered at ears
when perfume broke us
like picks
at a bottomless a quarry

was that not heaven?

when hard-ons rose like spears
and we talked on phones all night
on our backs peering into moons

You're like spiderwebs,
Like thick wind entangling,
Every single **** one of you I ever met
Is wrapping around my memory as I struggle.
    I obsessively map out
      Every time I made you smile
         With a twitch of my leg,
I needlessly outline
   The dances we did with
        Every tug of my wrists against the silk.
As I twist deeper into your clutches
     I remember when we were happy
        And spinning in soulkissed sinews.
Without you I'd be free
But you're worth the OCD.

Four years later, and I still sit up in the same bed at night with salt-stained cheeks.
I wonder how many lives have been lost in between these sheets.
how many loves are still embedded in the fibers of the comforter,
how many rib pieces lay stashed in the pillows from those horrible, heavy sobs.

You know the ones,
Where the fire dies in your hot air-balloon lungs, and they collapse in on themselves.
You can’t say anything, or feel anything but the crushing weight of your self inflicted silence.
All you can do is gasp, and gasp, and gasp for breath, but nothing comes out. It never does.
No one ever knows how much your heart bleeds for the people you can’t stand.
You offer them olive branches, while they offer you bile, and spit poison into your eyes with each syllable from their God-forsaken lips.

Do you remember when Jesus loved you?
When His face shined upon you, and He kissed the top of your head telling you that the light you possessed was greater than the shadow it created?
He was right.
But you’re afraid of the dark,
and have to turn on every light in the house just to make it to the bathroom.
So what good are your heroics if you burn yourself from the flame inside you?

You were supposed to be great.
You were one of the chosen ones,
the Lionhearted heroine
with a heart meant to fit inside two people,
but it was stuck in your small frame by mistake.


You can’t dance to a heartbeat that powerful.
Your bones know how to waltz,
but they’re old and tired from the thousands of dances
from the thousands of lives before yours.
You understand, don’t you?
Your hips just don’t curve like they used to.

But when the song ends,
and quarter notes turn into full rests,
maybe then you’ll get some sleep.
We both need it.

I can not even begin to explain
how badly I want to spend my days
with raindrops trailing my windows
blank notebooks, and cigarettes
and my nights
with moonlit dances
and dark rooms illuminated by computer screens.

Her rags become whole again,
As an ebony dress, beautifully woven,
Wraps around her frame.

Her cuts close, her bruises fade,
The aching pains that were her life have gone away,
Never to inflame.

Her boundaries are long gone,
As now she dances alone beneath the cold sun,
Of her empty world.

Her death is far behind her,
Only a distant memory remains of Earth,
As her wings unfurl.

*She flies, finally free,
But alone, her heart must freeze.

Wishes.
Ways to project

The butterflies

And the carnal
Instinct.

A faerie dances,

Shackles lock
And *******
Occurs; a mental

State; reached
Toward any
Outcome.

Outburst of

(Final)

Findings: Salved mystery.

dark butterfly emerges at the taste of the moon
both fragile and strong with bent gossamer wings
she lifts towards the sky and drinks full of the light
and dances in moonbeams in celebration of flight

Linda Pahl, 7/10/14

Nothing is as beautiful as the transformation of the human face.
The journey of a smile as it licks at the lips and dances into the eyes.
The adventure of laughter as it opens the mouth and tickles the throat.
The reclusiveness of sadness as it travels down the cheeks and wets them with tears.
The intensity of concentration as it furrows the brow and quickens the breath.
The turmoil of fear as it flares the nostrils and grinds the teeth.
The restfulness of sleep as it closes the eyelids and brings relief.

Let me tell you the story of how I fell in love with all the little things you do.  Let me tell you how it started the night of our first car date, when you wouldn’t let me walk in the rain.  Let me tell you how grumpy I get without breakfast, and how you know that, so you’ll stop to buy me something if you know I went to work without any.  Let me also tell you how much it means when you cook me breakfast, and I get out of the shower and it’s done and waiting for me.  And let me tell you about when you tried so hard to make the magic toast your mom makes that I love, and you failed utterly, but how cute it was when I pictured your mom giving you that cooking lesson.  Let me tell you about your “good morning beautiful” texts and how I wait all morning for them, and they make me smile instantly every single time.  Let me also tell you about your support, and how much it means to have someone special always there cheering for me and my dreams, even when I’m not quite sure exactly what they are.  Let me tell you about how I hate both doing dishes and seeing them pile up, and when you did them for me that one morning I was so grateful.  And let me tell you how much I liked walking into the kitchen and seeing you there at the counter, because I got a glimpse of our future.  Let me tell you about the time you ran me a bubble bath and lit candles all around it and sat with me while I relaxed.  And let me tell you about the morning I left, thinking you were close behind me, but you stayed to hide little notes all over my house.  And let me tell you about finding those notes for a freaking month, and how each one made me smile and light up, a welcome reminder of your love.  Let me tell you about you washing my laundry on your day off, doing my chores when you should have been relaxing.  Let me also tell you, I’m not much of a flower-loving girl, but the evening I left work to find my favorite flowers sitting in my car was such a sweet surprise.  And let me tell you about when you dip me low and kiss me deeply, and how I’m kind of scared of falling but ****, is it romantic.  Let me tell you how I never know how to react when you start singing gushy songs to me because all I can do is blush-but baby, please don’t ever stop.  And let me tell you about the times I was oh so very sad and you put on music, took my hand, and slow danced with me until all I could possibly feel was loved.  Let me tell you how some of my favorite moments are in the car because you rest your hand gently on my leg as you drive.  And let me tell you about how I feel when we’re lying in bed wrapped around one another, legs like pretzels, and just as I’m drifting off I feel you caress my face, smooth my hair, and kiss me gently.  Let me tell you, I could go one forever about the little things you do, because I fall in love with you more every single day, with every little thing you do.