chocolate fireguard, teapot,
or fender, icecream sofa, dry sea
or wet towel, glass hammer,

waterproof teabag, newspaper
raincoat and umbrella, lead parachute, ashtray on a motorbike,

handbrake on a canoe,
vote in a dictatorship,
loudhailer to a deaf mute,
grief at a wedding,

****** in a monastery.
inflatable dartboard,
spoon in a knife-fight,
screen door on a submarine,

wooden soap, shortbread tires,  
knitted light bulb,
bread boat, plasticine wire cutters,
paper hole punch, water hat,

custard floorboards,
ceiling tiles made of gravy,
portrait of a bowl of soup,
a stone cigarette,

syrup knickers, hole in my bucket,
plastic oven, wax truss,
liquorice bridge,
false teeth made of soap,

lemonade roof,
jelly boots,
jam cardigan,

paper bicycle pump,
ice-cream saucepans,
soluble drain pipe,
packet of rubber nails,

see-through mirror,
revolving basement restaurant
roll-on hairspray, rubber pencil,

****** with a hole in it,
limp ****, pockets on a lettuce,
**** on a fish, lolly pop van in Hell,

one-legged man in an ****
kicking competition,

meaningless life,
unnecessary death,
forgotten words and deeds,
ignored needs,


this poem.

green, as I'm cabbage looking
red, as I'm devilish seeming
blue, as I'm sky tasting
black, as I'm painted sounding
grey, as I'm fogged if I'm knowing
white, as I'm angelic touching
brown, as I'm **** feeling

far down
into the pit of hell
as it is possible to go
and still see the stars shining.

far up
into the spit of sky
as it is possible to go
and still see the wood for the trees.

down the Dearne on a digestive,
up the Thames on a Bourbon,
down the Sheaf on a Garibaldi,
up the Don on a Flapjack.

down the Tyne on a Brandy Snap,
up the Wear on a Hobnob,
down the Severn on a Ginger Nut,
up the Lune on a Custard Creme.

down the Styx on a sunflower seed bun,
up the Lethe on a lemongrass stick,
down the Rhine on a Raisin Slice,
up the Seine on a Belgian Pancake.

tha wanna get some TN's
in, man. It'll not be well for him
if he's not got none in colour
I like. Silver and blue.

Won £160 quid, man,
on the spin. Could see
the numbers dropping.
I knew what numbers
were coming up next, yeh.
So I sets up the twenty pences.
Folk looking at me straight up,
like I'm all these flashing lights.

Lost £200 on horses.
I'll try to get another grant.
Might get those TN's.
Have you signed up
for them classes
in mental illness
and depression?

Three probation officers
drilling me, man. I broke
the tag. It were dragging.
I was going to be had up
for criminal damage, yeh.
But when I were convicted
of armed robbery,
first conviction was quashed.

These trainers, man, just
turn your foot and its
like all these colours,
ultraviolet, and all those
blues. Trainers, man, yeh.

Once I was sad and lonely,
having nobody around to comfort me.
So I created a mask that always smiled,
just to hide my true feelings.

Once I had many friends;
with my mask, I was one of them.
Deep inside I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part.

Nobody could hear my cries for help,
for I designed my mask to hide those lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling,
for I hide my mask to keep on smiling.

Behind the smiles there were tears waiting
and behind all the comforts were the never ending fears.

While my tears where crying,
my feet kept walking.
My body was left behind,
to keep on hoping!

Day by day
I was slowly dying
I couldn’t go on,

I’m still searching
for the thing that’ll stop my crying,
for someone who’ll erase my fears
and for someone to wipe my tears.

But until then, I’ll keep on smiling
hiding behind the broken mask I’m wearing.
Hoping one day I can throw my mask away.
But until then, I’ll be here… Waiting.

I do not remember,
The goose bumps against my skin,
The ice cubes I would hold in the very palms of my hands
I DO REMEMBER the brutal Darkness I had within
Not of them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends;
For myself.

The interruption of trauma put fourth into my mind.
I was;
The outlined name on the piece of scrap paper
That everyone seemed to gossip about
I was the 1 out of 4...

1 out of 4
I had to feel the slim of shame through the outer course of my skin
It felt as if a vast sign was beginning attached to the back of my shirt
Everyone knew
Throughout the whole school,
Throughout the world
It felt to me...

The bitterness in my throat as I choke out the words of ****,
The word **** itself is not hard to say
The kids used to scream it on the playground each and every day
My life today is full of Rage,
Not for them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends
For I myself

Each day there is the morning walk
to gather the morning news in print

An amble back to a rocking chair
comfort for consuming coffee
and attempts to ingest current events

Soon the coffee is gone
followed by another cup
News columns are skimmed
like a dragon-fly skits across
the still of an evening pond

Skittish has become a life-style
concentration a foreign word
completion evasive
By nighttime there is
an abundance of projects,
goals, desires left to await
revisitation - revisitation never happens
as  new distractions fulfill
the daily routine
of living in the moment