I have been a pilot and a doctor, and a chieftain, I've run a café and a veg stall and a shop
Discovered forests down the road, and caught a magic toad, and stormed the castle high upon the mountains top
I've walked about on Mars, flown a rocket to the stars, and been to places that are yet unknown to men
And just to cap it all, to amaze you, and enthral, I did all that before I was even ten

There are no boundaries for young minds, no comprehension of time, they are eager to explore this fun-filled place
Kids are free and are unshackled, from the first shake of their rattle, they refuse to run with rats in our sad race
I grew up with simple toys, simple pleasures, simple joys, yet life was then so full and so untouched
Not ashamed of mummy's hand, or a bucket in the sand, we had so little yet, we really had so much

We grazed our knees and ruined our clothes, raced around on tippy-toes, and turned a mangy dog into our bestest friend
We camped out, we camped in, went too high upon the swing, yet we never thought the fun would ever end
Daddy's voice was law, mummy's whack was sore, and being grounded was so harsh and was so tough
But we knew that we were safe, and we knew we were secure, and we really knew our home was full of love

Children were children and grown ups were grown ups, and teenagers were somewhere in between
Bad things were small, like the punctured old beach ball, or the sadness of a melted ice-cream
Park-keepers were alert, and everything actually worked, and if we hurt ourselves, mum didn't want to sue
She would kiss it where it was sore, cuddle us some more, then we'd be off and start our climbing up anew

A boy's first kiss was his mum, and love was bubble-gum, and his first crush was simply lemon or lime
Girls were chased but never kissed, cause you deliberately missed, and names could only hurt you if they rhymed
Little girls dressed in mum's shoes, and didn't get the blues, and they'd only dance in front of cuddly toys
They loved dolls and Winnie-Pooh, playing bubbles with shampoo, and they had no time for silly things like boys

Batman was always kind, and it would never cross his mind, to **** a villain, or ever break the law
You'd always be polite, always kiss your mum goodnight, and you'd always leave your cabbage for the poor
To be gay was to be glad, being bad meant simply bad, and there was no such thing as being overfed
Phones were just pretend, and your dog was your best friend, to protect you from the troll under your bed

But this world is ever changing, with more stress and much more danger, and the children must adapt or they will fail
Where once our kids were shy, and pleasing to the eye, we are now forced to grab a tiger by the tail
Like the trickle of the stone, before the mountain crashes down, life is gaining speed at an alarming rate
They are pushed and are in pain, carry guilt and carry blame, and there is no one to shield them from their fate

Home alone, and alone away, taught how to text but not to play, they just exist within their messed up little world
Forced to survive and take the knocks, always governed by the clock, too soon they are men and women, not boys and girls
Good and bad are now retired, you can do what you desire, it's no longer sin, but a life choice for childrenkind
And is there's a price to pay for this new fun, and for looking at the sun, there's always credit, which is far off (in their mind)

Goblins and trolls have become vampires and ghouls, and Batman is a nasty growling man
The train set is no longer cool. Its trains and stations are for fools, Playstation is now the thing that makes the man
Advice comes from the web, or magazines instead, because these sources have all the answers we need to know
Goodbye to picnics, sandcastles, parks, finger-puppets in the dark, these simple joys our children now let go

Today the little ones know too much, and their knowledge is that such, they are aware of all that mum and dad now do
The facts of life, thanks to the web, terrorism's dread, ***, carcinomas and Avian Flu
Immersed in the occult, and books that teach how to insult, they spend more time with gadgets than they do with humankind
The things they watch would scare grown-ups, the door to innocence is shut, while their music feeds the anger of the mind

“No” is spoken, never heard, simple manners never learned, “Love thy neighbour” is replaced by “dog eat dog”
But they are children, not our pets, they need to love, and not regret, and they need to find the time to think of God
Like arrows that are aimed, we can steer them through life's game, to ensure they find the target that they need
That of happiness and hope, take their hand, don't let them *****, and we may yet behold the day when they are free

So enjoy their childhood years, feed the ducks, and not their fears, and if they've gone too far, help them to rewind
Let them skip, let them skate, let them even lick their plate, and the memories will be forever in your mind
And before you do regret, and your little ones forget, and this life comes and sweeps them from your door
Give them back their childish ways, and keep the world at bay, and let the children just be children once more

The fourteenth day of May approaches and skies are turning grey.
Forty years it will be since the cancer took you away.

You never knew your grand-kids or saw me take a wife.
But you taught me how to live and lead a decent kind of life.

The fourteenth day of May will always bring me oh so low.
It will always mark the first step on the lonely life I now know.

I try to push aside dark memories to recall only good times we had.
I think on how I yet miss you, still oh so proud you were my dad.

Some blokes are full of Dad jokes,

They have a wealth of these and are delivered with the corny expertise that only a Dad has.

They get a grin on their face as they lean forward like they’re about to say something profound.

“I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.”

“What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.”

“I hate Russian Dolls, they’re so full of themselves.”

“Apparently, pet birds are popular this Christmas, they’re flying off the shelves.”

Passed down from Grandads to fathers,

One-liners for us to consume,

It’s the closest thing some have to a family heirloom.

“What did the first African phone user say? Kenya hear me now?”

“A cat's favourite Queen song? Don’t stop meow.”

When reversing his car, “This takes me back.”

Wedding speech, “It’s been an emotional day, even the cakes in tiers.”

There've been so many down the years,

Yes, they’re cringy but we should enjoy them while we can,

You never know what's in store, and they’ll be a time when we’d love to hear them just once more.

Written March 12, 2019
Happy Birthday, Daddy 💙
You always said on your birthday to look at the sky. If it was blue and the sun was shining, it meant that it wasn't going to snow and we were finally going to have spring. If it was otherwise, it would snow again before spring finally came. It always held true. Just like you always held true. Today we had bright blue skies and I know you might of had something to do with that. It'll be a year next month, since you've been gone. It doesn't feel like it. It still doesn't feel real. I feel like I can just call you and hear your sweet voice and laugh, but everytime I turn to do it, I remember. Nothing can prepare you for losing a parent. Nothing can prepare you for the time it takes for that hole to heal. I don't think that that hole ever will, because I was your babygirl. And I was a daddy's girl from the get go. Between fishing, to riding in the truck, to listening to nickelback so much I burnt you out on it, to just enjoying nature, listening to your jokes and stories (even if you had already told them before), going to you when I needed you most, helping you when you needed someone, just everything. And it hurts so much, it gets so hard sometimes. But I stay calm and work through it as best as I can because I know you are beside me through it all. I just wish I could talk to you again, see you again. I miss you so much. I love you. Happy birthday. 💙

Monday April 23, 2018

Today, God has taken someone very dear to me. He has made my father one of his many angels.

I never thought you would have gone this soon. It was weird..I was in class...didn't even know that you had already passed and yet, while people were giving their presentations, all i could think about was you. I started to write a letter to God. All I could write about was, why you. Why such a wonderful man? Why my rock, my foundation, the glue to our family? Why God had to take you? I knew you were suffering, I knew you had a hard life. But I also knew, you put us first. You cared for us until you couldn't any longer. You loved us, no matter our doings. I lost Nanna, your mother, three years ago. The docotrs gave you a year last January, but I didn't take it literal. I couldn't see you dying. I couldn't see the day that I wouldn't hear your laugh anymore, that I wouldn't feel your bear hug or hear your voice anymore. That I wouldn't hear the countless jokes and stories that you told over and over because you couldn't remember that you've already told them. I never thought that would come a day so soon. I never thought that that day would be today. I talked to you on the phone, asked you how you were, told you I loved you. I didn't think that that would be the last time that I would talk to you. That I would say those words to you. But alas, God had other plans for you. I know you aren't suffering anymore. I know you are happy and that you are with your mom, dad, grandma and grandpa. I just wish I could have been there to hug you one last time. To hear your laugh one last time. I love you and I'm going to miss the hell out of you. I still can't believe that your gone.

I wish I could have heard you say that you were proud of me one last time. But I know that you are. I'm not sure how to process this. It's going to be hard. But I'll be okay. Because I have you and everyone else guiding me.

I love you daddy. And I'm not sure what I will do without you. But I know that I will continue to make you proud.

Written: April 23, 2019

No one can prepare you for death, no matter whom it is. But most importantly, no one can prepare you for losing a parent, a father. No one prepares you when you feel the need to take on the role as the strong one and care for everyone else. No one prepares you for the moments when you have to comfort your niece or mother because she lost someone dear to her too. No one prepares you for the grief that you will run away from but it'll eventually hit you like a ton of bricks. No one prepares you for that depression, anxiety, anger, resentment, guilt, wishes, and pain. No one prepares you for that feeling of losing the only man that truly ever loved you since they day you were born. You don't have that chance to prepare. You don't have that chance to heal in advanced.

Because you never know when it truly hits. You never know when it's going to happen, how its going to happen, where, and why. I faced days, wondering when I was going to feel my grief. Would it be during the service? Would it be during the burial? Would it be a week later? A month? A year? You're never prepared to have that heart wrenching hole inside your chest, missing the man you used to look up to. The man you wanted to be at one point.

It's been a year, today, and some days it still doesn't feel real. It still doesn't feel like a reality. It feels like I could just go home and see him. Like he will walk in that door and give me one of his hugs that I so desperately want and need. I struggled. I still struggle with this. I thought I could work through this on my own. I thought I was strong enough to get through college with a breeze, help others, and THEN worry about my problems. But I've learned all too quickly that that isn't the case. That that could never be the case. I needed help and I got it. I reached out among family, friends, professors, counselors, and God, seeking help. And through them, I am building my strength. Because strength isn't something you can obtain alone. It's best in numbers, it's best with support from those around you whom love you and care for you and your well being. I can't say that this grief process is getting any easier, but it's not getting harder. And I feel like I'm set to be on the right path. The path that will help me succeed and make my dad proud. Everyday is a struggle, slowly but surely, it'll turn into a smoother passage. I may be sharing this on deaf ears (or in this case blind eyes bc social media) but let this be and insight. Don't go through whatever you are going through, alone. Reach out. You're not alone in this and you never will be.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
It's been one year without you, today, Daddy. A year that has felt like an eternity and a day, all in one. It's funny how time works like that, huh. I love you and I hope I'm doing what I can to make you proud. I miss you.