“I need something to take the pain away”

I need something to take the pain away
Not drugs, not alcohol
Something addictive but not deadly
Something that won’t break it’s promise
Something I can run to
Something that will protect me
Something that can teach me
Something that can change me

Something that will love me for who I am
What I’ve done
What I’ve said
What I’ve thought
Who I’ve hurt
The promises I’ve broken
The pain I’ve given to others

Something that can see the pain I feel
The tears I’ve hidden
The thoughts that I think
The anger I’ve felt
The words I’ve said to myself
The words I’ve written in paper
The sleepless nights
The walls I built
The cages I’ve locked
The endless flashbacks
The secrets I keep

I need something that understands the reasons why
I wake up feeling emotionless
I wake up feeling emotional
Feeling angry
Feeling sad
Feeling like a disappointment
Feeling like a waste of space
Energy
And love
Why I don’t feel loved

Why
Why do I feel anger
Sadness
Why do I get anxiety
Why I lock myself in my room and cry
Why I like sitting in the dark killing myself with my own thoughts

I need something.......... or someone that will be there for me and love me. That won’t betray me, that will forgive me. That will make me feel strong. Something  can grow with.

Or someone.

Odds stacked, but the overbearing
Often mistaken thoughts that are lending
More and more credence to my mind

Jaw slacked, but this mind has been sharpened
Its more than a fact, we breathe brokenhearted
But it's going to take far more than that this time

We spoke once, before it was over
We must speak again, cure the disorder
You're the only medicine I have in mind

Oblivion, or the loss of retention
Mysterious, if only for the second
Don't leave me sinking slowly into brine

It only takes a start and
You'll find yourself in time
Down an over guarded
Vaulted false start of a ending

It's been quite a while now
Again, it just felt so wow

We both left each other with many questions
I always wanted to know why
Now, you choose to answer me with your questions
I wish all of this was a lie

Since we were immature
A lot of things were unsure
But the pain you've made me suffer was pure
I still cannot find any cure

Pain is only temporary,
It only lasts until you die.
But the greatest pain of all,
Is losing a heart a little too early
To a pain that doesn’t go,
To a heart that truly believes
Death is the only cure.
So don’t go before your time,
Be as strong as you are.
And go through the pain until it ends,
Cause at the end of every rainbow
Their is a little bit of gold.